


Comfort

by Serani



Series: Firsts - Changes Prequels in Monoshizukanohi [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death, Hand Jobs, M/M, Monoshizukanohi, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serani/pseuds/Serani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Kotetsu/Izumo stories of important events for them prior to “Changes.”   Grief can be almost impossible for some people to bear. Others just shut down.  It's okay to take comfort in and from those that *are* still around, thought that's a difficult thing to learn how to accept.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.
> 
> Secondly, this story is relatively tame, but the boys ARE, technically, underage . So, technically, I need to add the "minor" warning.
> 
> WARNING!!!CHARACTER DEATH! Did I make that clear? I don't like spoiling a story, but it deserves warning. I DO NOT LIKE writing character death but for the future of "Firsts" as well as "Changes," it's necessary. Okay. Character death. Warned? Good.

_One year._   
  
The words slid around Izumo's brain trying to find a foothold, trying to find a grasp somewhere, but they wouldn't take. Izumo stared at the hole in front of him, its ragged edges trying to describe what  _should_  be going on in his own chest, but he couldn't seem to make the picture stick any more than the two words. _  
  
One year._   
  
It continued to hunt for a place, but like the picture in front of his eyes, it couldn't seem to mesh with anything in his knowledge. He tried to make the words and the picture work together, but they refused. Sort of like trying to force two magnets together with the wrong sides facing each other. There was something about this image, something about this picture in front of him, this hole that he was supposed to understand, something that was supposed to make sense to him, but it didn't. _  
  
One year._   
  
The words finally found a handhold on an exposed brick in the empty dusty corner of the cob-web filled basement of his mind.  _No_ , his mind answered.  _Not a year_ . Eleven months. Three weeks. And four days. They never made it to a year.   
  
As the time frame crystallized in his head, the image of the hole made more sense. It, too, became defined for him.  _Hayate's grave._  His mind shut down again. The two words were enough to lock him up. He needed the numbness, wanted that back. He wasn't ready to face the rest of it. After all, it was only a few days, right? Just four. Four days. No, no, he couldn't think like that, couldn't think  _about_ that. Because then that would make it real. And he wasn't ready for it to be real.   
  
Eleven months. Eleven months, three weeks and four days. He could very clearly see Hayate standing in front of him. He could feel those soft lips kissing his. The hand in his hair, brushing the bangs out of his eye. The stubborn bangs that  _refused_ to stay put. They were there now, and they would stay there. But even that determination was shied away from. Even that little idea couldn't stick in his mind.   
  
It reeked too much of  _understanding._  It reeked too much of acceptance. And he wasn't there yet, no. He couldn't do acceptance yet. Numbness was better. Numbness meant he didn't  _have_  to feel anything. He could ignore the acceptance, he could ignore pain and if he did then the ragged hole in front of him that they were lowering his lover's casket into didn't have to mirror itself in his chest.   
  
He felt a hand on his back, another on his shoulder and one more on the back of his head. He vaguely recognized these as if he was watching the scene from the outside his body. The one on his back belonged to Tetsu. The one on his shoulder, Kenji. The hand on the back of his head? Oh, that was Mrs. Gekkou. Right. Hayate's mother.   
  
They were touching him. They were touching him to offer… offer something. He wasn't quite sure what it was that they were supposed to be offering, because he didn't  _feel_  anything. If he  _felt_ it, if he  _recognized_  it, he would have to  _accept_  it. And he wasn't ready to do that yet. No, no. No acceptance. No feeling. No ragged hole in his chest like the one he was still staring at.    
  
He vaguely registered that there were people surrounding the grave, some of them moving away, some of them hugging each other. The two hands that were still on him - the one on his back and the one on his shoulder - they didn't move, they stayed there.   
  
Something else niggled at the back of his brain, poked at the corner of his mind that said he should turn to them, the two standing next to him. He should say something to them, off some sort of… comfort? No, no. Comfort was a feeling.    
  
Should he offer words? But words without feelings were pretty empty. That much he could admit to, that much he could… say.    
  
So instead he just stood there. Somebody was tossing flowers down the hole now. He registered that there was something in his hand. He recognized that. He glanced down to his right hand and noticed that there was a red rose clasped between his fingers. He was supposed to do something with it, but he couldn't remember what it was. He simply stared dumbly at it for a while then let it fall to his side again.    
  
He shifted his eyes from his hand back to the gaping hole that was now filled with black wood, flowers and dirt. But when he finally stopped being numb -- not that that was going to happen anytime soon, mind you , when he stopped feeling numb, they wouldn't fill  _his_  hole. They wouldn't fill the chest that would be gaping and open.   
  
That would stay that way for a long time. He could be aware of that much. Anything more he, yet again, shied away from.    
  
Those two hands on him were pulling at him. One of them lifted the hand with the rose in it, another pried the flower out of his grasp and tossed it into the hole for him. He looked to the side and saw that the hand that had taken the rose belonged to Tetsu. He nodded, though he had no idea what he was nodding  _to_ , and allowed himself to be steered away from the hole. The hole wasn't his lover, his boyfriend, anyway.   
  
No his lover was… no, no, his mind withdrew from that thought again and he nearly winced with the speed. He couldn't hide from it forever, some rational part of his brain reminded him. But the irrational side said, "Tough! I will if want to! I don't want to see this truth. I'm not going to and I don't have to."   
  
He was in front of a car. He was supposed to do something, but the numbness had taken over again. Tetsu said something to him and he turned his face to his friend again. "Get in, Zumo" Tetsu said in a low voice.   
  
Oh, right. He slid into the car, Tetsu on one side, Kenji on the other. His seatbelt was fastened for him. He was fairly certain he didn't dress himself that morning, either. He vaguely recognized the suit that he was wearing. Something his mother had purchased? Did he get fitted for it? He couldn't remember. Didn't really care.   
  
He wasn't going to wear a suit for his anniversary. No. They were going to order pizza and watch  _Twister_  on video. Hayate had wanted to take him someplace really nice, like  _Tobi's_ or one of those fancy restaurants, but Izumo insisted he didn't need anything like that. And that  _Twister_  and pizza meant more to him than anything else.    
  
He'd rather remember the year before exactly as they had it. After chuckling, a hug and a long kiss, Hayate had agreed.    
  
He did that… was that… two days ago? Izumo shook his head. He didn't remember, didn't  _want_  to remember. He didn't know how long ago it was because if he remembered that the movie and the pizza were two days ago, then he would remember that Hayate died… No. No, no. Can't think that.   
  
The blessed numbness came back and he stared, instead at the center console between the seats of the car. Grey plastic, molded to include a pit of some sort that was supposed to hold things: cassette tapes, cigarettes, lighters, money. There were a few of those items in there. He puzzled over them a moment, his brain grappling onto the items, registering and cataloging each one and throwing them out as unimportant.   
  
Very little was important these days. But that's okay. He didn't need things to be important because important meant they would hurt when they went away. And he didn't want hurt.   
  
The car stopped, his seatbelt was unbuckled, and Tetsu tugged on his arm. OH. He was supposed to get out of the car. He nodded, not that anyone said anything, and followed Tetsu up the sidewalk and onto the porch, through the doorway and then he sat on the couch in the living room. "Zumo, take your jacket off."   
  
He looked up curiously at Tetsu. He was supposed to do something? OH, right. Take his jacket off. Everything seemed to be penetrating his brain on a sort of delayed timer. He shook his head, not quite sure what he was denying, then leaned forward, shrugged the jacket off of his shoulders, laid it on the couch next to him and leaned back again. Then he turned and stared at the blank screen of the television across the room from him. Perhaps he should put in  _Twister_  again.   
  
No. He didn't  _really_  want to watch Twister. Well, he wasn't thinking about  _wanting_ much of anything. "Wanting" was another emotion. Something unwelcome at the moment. Moment? He chuckled, mirthlessly. Unwelcome at all. Someday maybe he'd start to feel again. He wondered at that, but decided it wasn't worth the energy at the moment.   
  
Tetsu was pulling on him again. "Come on, Zumo, let's get changed. Let's take the suit off." He followed docilely into their bedroom and stood while Tetsu unbuttoned his shirt, unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants. "Zumo, I can't take your shoes off for you, you'll have to do that."   
  
Izumo looked down and saw his dress shoes. New! That's right. His mom bought them. Bought them for… today. He shook his head again, pushing it away, bent over and untied his shoes and kicked them off. He let the pants fall, shrugged the shirt off and left them sit.   
  
He crossed the room to the bunk bed - the bottom one, he never slept on the top anymore, crawled onto the mattress and curled up on his side. Sleep would be good. Sleep would allow him to  _not_  think. Would make sure that the thoughts that kept scrabbling around in his brain for a foothold - unwelcome thoughts, thoughts he wasn't ready for - wouldn't find one.    
  
He closed his eyes and somewhere along the way, he finally fell asleep.   
  


* * *

  
He woke with a scream. He sat bold upright, looking around a little wildly, trying to figure out where he was.   
  
Oh, he was at home. The bunk. The bottom bunk. That's Tetsu next to him. He put a hand on his heart and the pounding started to slow. He couldn't remember the dream, had no idea what had caused the reaction, but he had a feeling he didn't _want_  to know, either.   
  
That's right. Home. Tetsu. Hay… no.  _Don't think it. Don't think it. Don't think it._  He repeated it over and over to himself as sort of a mantra. Don't think it. Don't think about it and it won't hurt.   
  
The numbness had been fading for a couple of weeks now. He'd managed to go through the motions at school. He remembered doing homework and taking tests. Beyond that, he'd been letting the numbness shield him and he knew it was starting to go.   
  
He'd been trying to hold onto it. Wrap it around himself like a warm blanket on a cold winter's day. It could ward off the pain the same way the blanket would ward off the chill.    
  
But he knew it wouldn't last much longer. He'd become more aware of everything. He'd seen Tetsu watching him. He'd noticed Kenji's worried looks. He'd felt his mother's concerned touches and hugs. Slowly, but surely, the numbness was cracking and it was going to go.   
  
He lay back down and rolled onto his side to watch Tetsu sleep. Tetsu's face scrunched up a little bit in dreams of some sort. His friend started moaning and Izumo puzzled over it for a moment. Why was Tetsu moaning?   
  
"No. No, damn you, get away! No!" Tetsu muttered, rolling to his other side. _  
  
Nightmare_ ? But he was right  _here._  Maybe. But as Izumo watched Tetsu, he realized that there was probably two solid feet between him and Tetsu. Enough maybe for Tetsu's subconscious to think that he  _wasn't_ there.   
  
Had he left him? Had he left his best friend?   
  
The numbness faded further but he pushed the thoughts aside. Tetsu was starting to moan again. The whimpering got louder. There was another shouted "no" and Izumo scooted over across the bed.   
  
He put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Tetsu!" He shook it carefully, but, of course, it didn't wake him. It never did. He knew what he needed to do.  _  
  
God, what have I done?_ He wrapped his arms around Tetsu, raised one hand to brush at the hair. "Tetsu, wake up. Tetsu!"    
  
And like it had back before, before the nightmares had ceased and before… he swallowed, before Hayate's death, Tetsu rolled, wrapped his arms around Izumo and held him close.    
  
He felt his friend's breathing ease a little. "Fuck. I… I didn't want you to wake up," Tetsu said.   
  
Izumo swallowed hard. "Tetsu? Tetsu has this been…" He let the question trail off.   
  
Kotetsu wouldn't look at him. He tried to tuck Izumo's head under his chin like he had so many times before. But this time, this time, Zumo was going to fight it. "No. Tetsu,  _talk_ to me. Have the nightmares been happening?"   
  
Tetsu's lips pressed into a thin line, but he nodded. It was barely perceptible, but he could see it. The dark of the room hid most things. Perhaps he sensed the nod more than saw it. It didn't matter now. Tetsu'd been having nightmares and he'd been wallowing in  _numbness_ . _  
  
I'll always be here for you._  The words floated back into Zumo's mind. A promise he'd made a little over a year ago. He snorted to himself. Some promise.   
  
Perhaps he was being a little bit unreasonable, a little hard on himself. But then again, if he was angry with  _himself_ , he couldn't be angry with anybody else. He could hide those emotions quite a bit easier. Yes, yes, that works. He'll be angry with himself.    
  
"I'm sorry, Tetsu." Izumo started, but Tetsu shook his head.   
  
"No, no. You have every right.  _God_ , what you must be going through…"   
  
But Izumo shook his head hard. "No. It's… it's still not right." He paused. "Damn me. That's no excuse to ignore you."   
  
Tetsu peered at him through the blackness of the room. A car passed, headlights bounced off of the ceiling and the silence sat heavy, almost like a living thing in the room with them. Finally, Tetsu said, "Izumo, you can't hide forever. Being… being angry with yourself is almost the same as being numb."   
  
Izumo took a deep breath, trying to find some sort of calm and sanity. But he knew better, there was no sanity to be had, not yet. "Tetsu, just… just let me be mad, okay? Let me be mad at me?" He had no idea just how frantic his voice sounded.   
  
"Okay, Zumo, whatever you need, that's okay," Tetsu quickly said, his hands patting and smoothing over Zumo's back.   
  
The hurried compromise, the hurried assurances only succeeded in pissing Izumo off more. What kind of bomb had he been walking around as? Had they been expecting him to explode? Perhaps fall into a crying fit? That thought made him more than a little disgusted with himself.    
  
He supposed it was only to be expected. But that didn't mean it felt right to him. He sighed. "Tetsu…" He swallowed hard again and let Tetsu tuck his head under his friend's chin, tighten strong arms around him and comfort.    
  
Izumo wondered about that, too.  _He_  was always the one the comforted Tetsu, not the other way around. But he had to wonder how much of that Tetsu had had to learn how to do. That thought spawned another question. "Tetsu… what's the date?"   
  
Silence. He heard the swallow, then "May thirteenth."   
  
"M…. May? But…" Izumo started.  _Two months? Two months! He thought maybe a few weeks, but…_   
  
He refocused on the more immediate problem.  _"_ Tetsu, have the nightmares been going on all this time?"   
  
More silence. That was damning enough. He swallowed hard again, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat, hoping he could get it down, down into his stomach, where it would sit, probably like a ball of lead. But that was better than where it was right now because he couldn't _breathe_  with it there. Or perhaps that was the band around his chest. He didn't know, wasn't quite capable of figuring  _that_  out, at the moment. _  
  
No. He wasn't ready, wasn't ready. Wasn't ready for the pain. Wasn't ready for the anger. Wasn't ready for any of it._ Something of his thoughts must have been spoken out loud. "Nobody's ever ready for it, Zumo," Tetsu said.   
  
Izumo wondered where his best friend suddenly had all this wisdom. He resisted the urge to scream, barely. This wasn't  _right_ ! Testu wasn't the one to do this!    
  
He closed his eyes, working to get a hold of himself. He need to refocus, needed to figure out where to even  _begin_ . He didn't know!    
  
Tetsu's arms tightened again, more of that comfort and Izumo felt the last of the numbness break. Then pieces of it started falling away, and Izumo crazily had the picture of a cartoon vase break slowly, one shard at a time falling after it landed on the coyote's head. He almost laughed, which brought his confusion back with a vengeance.    
  
And then the emotions  _slammed_  into him.    
  
Fear. Anger. Pain. Disgust. Grief. Love. One after another slapped at him, circled around him and flew through him before they finally settled in. Then they tangled together until the knot was like a ball of yarn after a kitten was through with it.    
  
"Fuck! What have… how… but… I… You… He… God  _dammit_ !" Izumo stuttered, fought to find simple  _language_  and lost. Sounds came out of this throat, sounds he couldn't have described, much less identify, sounds that reflected the huge jumble of emotions that were finally rioting around in his head.   
  
His hands balled into fists on Tetsu's back, his face screwed up in anger and pain and somewhere along the line the individual sounds melded into a single keening noise. The tears started, the images flashed into his head and he gave in. _  
  
Hayate grinning at him, holding up the condoms after the first time they'd made love. Hayate in the driver's seat of the Jeep, annoyed at having to let go of Izumo's hand so he could shift. Hayate bent over a math book, working on The Bitch's homework. Hayate on the rock they'd chosen for lunch when they'd gone hiking at the preserve.  
  
The smile with the tiny dimple on the right side of his mouth. The dark eyes. Those eyes that sparkled when he was laughing. The crease in his forehead when he was annoyed.   
  
And the fact. That face when they were making love. Eyes closed, head thrown back, mouth open as he shouted Izumo's name._   
  
"No no no no no no. Oh God,  _no_ . No.  _Please, no…_ " He didn't know who he was begging from, but he knew  _what_  he was begging  _for._  He wanted the numbness back. He wanted to keep the pain away.   
  
But it was too late. The numbness was gone.    
  
There. There it was. The hole he'd been expecting. But it  _was_  filled. Not with caskets and flowers and dirt, but with pain.  _Why_  did it feel like he was breaking in half? Why did was it so fucking  _physical_ ?   
  
His hands came around and pounded into Tetsu's chest. "FUCK! No, goddammit, no!" He continued to beat at his friend, his best friend, who simply laid there and took it. Some small part of his mind knew that Kotetsu would end up with bruises, but he couldn't make himself stop. He wanted to, needed to, he'd hurt his friend enough, but he just couldn't  _manage_  it. "FUCK!" It was a shout, a near scream and the fight went out of him.   
  
He slumped back into Tetsu's arms, his hands going still. The tears flowed now, just the tears and those sounds again. Those unidentifiable sounds, the ones that carried love that was gone, smiles that would never grace lips again, sparkles that would never show in eyes and a voice, a voice that would never again call his name in  _just that way._   
  
He had no idea how long he lay there, they lay there. Kotetsu simply held him, let him cry, let him go. He vaguely became aware that his hair was wet, that Tetsu's chest was soaked and even the pillow underneath had a huge damp spot.    
  
His head was stuffy, his eyes puffy. He had a headache forming that was going to be a monster. He was having trouble breathing aside from the stuffy nose, his throat hurt like hell, his hands would probably have bruises and  _they_  were aching. His palms had deep indentations from his fingernails.   
  
But he wasn't numb anymore.    
  
Hayate was gone. Dead. And all the numbness in the world wasn't going to change that.    
  
But in trying to hide from the fact of his lover's death, he'd hurt his best friend, hurt others and he felt selfish and ashamed.    
  
"I'm so sorry, Tetsu. I know you don't think I should be, but I am." He paused to swallow thickly and attempt to clear his throat. He wasn't very successful, but he spoke again, anyway. "I'm… not okay. I won't be okay for a while. But… heh… well…heh… I'm… here again."   
  
He heard the deep breath Tetsu took. Recognized it for relief. "I missed you," he whispered.   
  
"I'm sorry. God, so sorry." He swallowed again and wrapped his arm back around Tetsu. They lay quietly for a long while. "It hurts. God, it hurts."   
  
"I know, Zumo, I know. I'm so sorry. I wish I could… I wish I could hurt for you," Tetsu said. Kotetsu rubbed his back, dropped kisses on his temple and head, played with his hair and Izumo felt himself relax bit by tiny little bit.   
  
"Thank you," Izumo whispered.   
  
Tetsu simply replied with a quiet shushing sound. Izumo looked up and dropped a light kiss on his friend. Tetsu started in surprise then returned it just as lightly.    
  
Oh God.  _This._  When was the last time he'd kissed? Four days. Four days before their anniversary. And that was… two months ago.    
  
The tears started again as he kissed his best friend. Lips met again and again in nibbles then held in a long slow kiss. Izumo's tongue traced Tetsu's bottom lip and his friend opened to him. Their tongues slid along each other's and one of Tetsu's hands tangled in Zumo's hair, holding him closer.    
  
A moment later, they broke apart. Izumo's hands started to wander, to just touch, to… feel, but it was  _Tetsu_  who stopped him. "Zumo."   
  
"Oh God. I'm sorry. You have Kenji. Fuck." He dropped his head back in shame.   
  
"No. No, that's not it." Kotetsu hurried to say. Izumo looked up, puzzled. Tetsu cleared his throat. "First off, I'm… I'm not Hayate. I... can't fill in for him."   
  
Ouch. He  _hadn't_  been thinking that. And that reminded him very well that the first time he had his wits about him, he went right to Tetsu and started kissing him. Hayate was gone barely two months and he was attacking Tetsu! The shame threatened to choke him again.   
  
"I…" He started, but he had no idea what he was going to say. What he could say? Then something caught his attention. "It's… not Kenji?"   
  
Tetsu shook his head. "We're not… not really  _boyfriends_ , so much as just good friends who fuck. We just don't feel for each other like yo… well, like we thought we were supposed to. So, we don't much worry about that. But… he told me that if you needed someone…" he let it trail off, but he didn't need to finish the thought. If Izumo needed to fuck, needed something physical, then it was fine with Kenji if Tetsu did.   
  
That whole thing caused yet another set of emotions Izumo wasn't equipped to detangle in that moment, so he pushed that aside. "Oh," he said, lamely. "Um. Well, I…" he swallowed again. "I wasn't thinking that, Tetsu. Just… just that I missed kissing." He swallowed again, the tears spilling over once more. "God, how horrible is that? He's gone two months. I'm… I'm only now really accepting it and I go out and…"   
  
"And what? Accept comfort from the one person closest to you in the world?" Kotetsu asked.   
  
It gave Izumo pause. "Oh." He looked up into Tetsu's face, the best that he could in the pre-dawn darkness. He frowned. "I… guess I didn't… oh hell, I'm just not thinking clearly at all." He brought one hand up to his temple and started rubbing. The headache was breaking through his confusion. "Fuck," he finally said in frustration.   
  
Tetsu wrapped his arms more tightly around him. One hand moved his aside and began rubbing at the headache. Izumo moaned quietly, the pain already receding partially. "Maybe you should just try to get a little more sleep. Thinking and all of that might be easier then," Tetsu suggested.   
  
Izumo nodded. "Yeah. Will you…" he closed his eyes, annoyed with how he sounded. "Will you keep holding me?" His voice came out small and almost like a child's.   
  
"Of course, Zumo. I'll be here for you." That was a little too close to the promise he'd made - and broken - to Tetsu, and he felt another stab at that, but his mind was too tired to really deal with it. His body was pulling him down under, the headache and emotional storm finally taking its toll.   
  
"Thanks, Tetsu." He managed then his eyes slid closed. He fell asleep almost immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke alone. He ached in odd places, like he'd used all sorts of weird muscles just in the process of crying, which may have been true. He'd never quite felt like that before. And definitely never cried like that before.   
  
He rubbed hard at his face, the headache he'd had earlier still nagging at his right temple and stared at the bottom of the upper bunk for a minute. The odd thought roamed through his mind that they ought to just give up and get rid of the damned thing since he never slept in it. In fact, they  _ought_ to just get a slightly bigger bed and give up the pretense altogether.   
  
He shook his head, which dislodged the headache, spreading it to his other temple and making him regret the move. That successfully derailed his train of thought about the beds and he rolled, catching a glimpse of the alarm clock. Ten o'clock, but… what day of the week was it? Had he missed school?   
  
As he started to sit, Kotetsu came through the door. "Hey," he said, crossing the room. He had a mug in his hand. Izumo's stomach rumbled at the smell of coffee.   
  
"Coffee?" He asked, hopefully and Tetsu's smile was big.    
  
"For you. I was going to wake you." He sat next to Zumo on the bunk and handed the mug to his friend. "I'm glad to see you asking for something."   
  
Izumo swallowed at that, fighting a fresh batch of tears and shame. He couldn't speak, so he simply nodded, then took a moment to sip at the brew with closed eyes. "Tastes good," he managed, then opened his eyes and stared at his friend. "Thank you," he said and looked back into his cup.    
  
"It's just coffee," Tetsu said, shrugging, but Izumo shook his head - gently, this time.   
  
"No. Not for the coffee - though, thank you for that, too. Um, for… last night." He stumbled over it a little bit and swallowed hard as the pain wanted to resurface. He forcibly pushed it back down. He had a bad enough headache at that moment; he really didn't want to add to it.   
  
"Oh. Well, you don't have to thank me for that, either. We're best friends," he said, shrugging one shoulder again. "It's what we do for each other."   
  
Izumo knew there was more to it than that. Not all best friends slept in the same bed. Not all best friends kissed or had sex, for that matter, even if it was only once, even if they were both gay. Not all best friends could comfort or understand each other the way they could. But he didn't argue the point right then, he really wasn't up for it. "Well, even if I don't have to, I want to. Thank you." He sipped a bit more of his coffee. "What day is it? I've…" he paused and swallowed around the lump again. "I've lost all track."   
  
"Oh. Saturday. We missed the Dojo, but I figured you needed the sleep more."    
  
Izumo nodded. He searched his memory and knew that he'd been going, even since Hayate's… death. But he couldn't remember much of it. "God, what a mess I've been. I don't even remember that much. It's like it's sort of been a dream. A bad one," he qualified before taking another drink of his coffee again.   
  
Kotetsu cleared his throat and dragged a toe over the carpet, keeping his eyes glued to his foot. "He wouldn't want this."   
  
Izumo swallowed again, wishing for the hundredth time that he could get rid of the stupid lump that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his throat. "I know. God, I know…" he paused, finding regular breathing suddenly very difficult. He stared hard at the floor, at a tiny little spot on the carpet, fighting the muscles in his face that wanted to let go. He wasn't going to, he was  _not_  going to.   
  
He swallowed a few times, took several harsh breaths and finally had himself back under control. "Sorry," he whispered.   
  
"God, don't. No more. Don't apologize, please," Tetsu said, wrapping one arm around Izumo's shoulders. Izumo looked over at him to see Tetsu looking near tears. "All I wish I could do is to make it easier on you somehow. I… God, I didn't love him. I can't imagine what it is to go through this. But… I would, if I could make it so you didn't have to."   
  
Even that made it hard to breathe, hard to think. Some rational, intellectual part of him knew that he was supposed to go through this stuff. He and Tetsu had taken psychology, so academically, he understood that there were stages to grief and all of that good garbage.   
  
But it was one thing to read about it in class and a whole other to experience it.   
  
He took a few more breaths and went back to drinking his coffee. He and Hayate had picked up the habit over the summer because they ended up getting out of bed early most days so that they could get together. They'd recognized it was kind of silly and stupid to drag themselves out of bed so early just so they could be grumpy with each other, but they never quite were able to… not, either.    
  
The coffee thing had then carried over into the school year and he had a sneaking suspicion he'd be hooked for life. But right then, it was more comforting than painful, so he drank and remembered their very first sips of it.   
  
Hayate had shown up one day before he'd gotten out of bed. He'd awaken to his boyfriend squatting next to the bunk. Tetsu had been wrapped around him, which had given Izumo no small amount of panic. Hayate just laughed when it took Izumo quite a bit to remove Tetsu's arm from his waist. He'd tried to apologize, but Hayate had long since gotten over the idea that they slept in the same bed. Yate had gone on to tell him that the look on his face every time they saw each other again was enough of a reminder of how Izumo felt.   
  
So, after peeling himself out from under Kotetsu's arm, they'd gone to the kitchen, both a little grumpy and still tired and brewed coffee. Neither had done anything to their cup and the face Hayate had made was priceless. Izumo's mom ended up buying a lot of sugar that summer until they found a mix they could stand.   
  
Izumo scooted a little closer to Kotetsu as the memory faded and laid his head on Tetsu's shoulder. His friend's arm tightened around him. "It'll get better, Zumo," Tetsu murmured.    
  
Izumo nodded with his head still on the shoulder. "Eventually. I… guess it already is a little bit." He shifted and buried his face in his friend's neck taking comfort in Tetsu's familiar scent. "Are you really not… Kenji's boyfriend?" He asked without moving.   
  
"Yeah. We…" he paused.   
  
"Go ahead, it's okay," Izumo coached.   
  
"We saw you two and thought that's how boyfriends are supposed to be. So we kind of figured that, well, we were friends and all, but…" he trailed off.   
  
Izumo nodded again. "I guess I can see that." He dropped a light kiss on the spot on Tetsu's neck he'd been up against then sat up and finished the coffee in his cup. He made a face when he smelled himself. "I need a shower." He sighed and dragged himself to his feet. Kotetsu stood with him and stared at him for a long moment, then pulled him into a hug.   
  
"Just… need a hug," he whispered.    
  
Izumo again forced the regret back and wrapped his arms around his friend. "I…" he stopped the apology. "I can use a lot of them, myself," he said, instead.   
  
He felt Tetsu nod, the arms around him tighten briefly then his friend let go. Kotetsu sniffed loudly. "Yeah, you need a shower," he said, his lips quirking.   
  
"Ha, ha." Izumo retorted, his own lips twitching. He caught sight of it in the mirror and that set off a fresh ache.  _How could he smile?_   
  
"Don't. You're allowed," Tetsu said in his ear.   
  
He nodded, but said nothing and headed for the bathroom. When he stepped through the door, he looked up into the mirror and forced himself to stop to  _really_ look at himself.    
  
He'd lost weight. He had dark circles under his eyes - eyes that looked like they _wanted_  to be dead. Sad, yes. Lost. His hair even looked limp and dull. He shook his head. No, Hayate wouldn't have wanted this.    
  
He opened the door to see Tetsu coming out of their room. "Is Mom home?"   
  
Kotetsu paused. "Yeah, she is, why?"   
  
"Would you ask her if she has the stuff for pancakes?" Izumo asked.   
  
Tetsu blinked at him then grinned. "Yeah, I'll ask her. Pretty sure she does."   
  
Izumo nodded. "Okay, see if she'll make them. I need to eat."   
  
"If she won't, I will," Kotetsu said.   
  
"Oh dear God, no. I want them  _edible_ ," Izumo smirked.   
  
Kotetsu laughed and Izumo chuckled with him, a rusty sound. Zumo swallowed around the lump again, but the chuckle felt good. He fought the thought that said he _shouldn't_  be feeling good. He knew there was a name for that, had forgotten it. But he knew that it wasn't  _right_  to feel that way. Tetsu leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Izumo's head. "Get cleaned up. We'll have pancakes somehow."   
  
He felt even better after his shower. He'd washed his hair three times and scrubbed every inch of his body twice. His skin was raw but he was starting to almost feel good.    
  
He paused in front of the mirror and stared at himself, again. He didn't look much different except maybe in his eyes. They seemed more… well, a little  _less_  lost. He headed back into his room and was a little annoyed to discover he had to tie the string on his sweats a lot tighter than he'd expected to.   
  
He picked up the framed picture of Hayate that was sitting on top of his chest of drawers. "I'm probably certifiable for talking to you like this," he said, giving a half chuckle. "But… well… I've… kind of screwed up for the last couple of months. Maybe it was understandable and maybe it wasn't. Tetsu says it is. I don't know, but… I can't do it anymore." He paused to run his fingers over the glass. "I miss you," he whispered. "No, that's not right." He stopped. "I haven't quite gotten there, yet. I'm still accepting that you're gone. But I've hurt others with the way I've been and I need to change that. I'm going to miss you, and I guess I really do already some. God…"He paused again to try to gather himself together. "Anyway, I can't hide anymore..." He trailed off, not sure what else he wanted to say. He shook his head at no one in particular. Then he kissed the picture and set it carefully back on the top of the chest, staring at it for another moment before he left the room.   
  
As he was heading for the kitchen, there was a knock on the door. Kotetsu waved on his way by. "I'll get it."   
  
But Izumo stopped him, holding a hand up. "No. I… I will." He took a deep breath, tossed a weak smile at Tetsu and turned toward the front door. One more fortifying inhale and he twisted the knob, pulling it back.   
  
And stopped when he saw who was on the other side. He had to force himself to remember how to breathe, how to think. Hayate's brother, Ichirou, was a slightly taller, older version of his… late lover. Ichirou wore a similar leather jacket, even in May like Hayate used to wear. The jeans had always been a bit more battered, shoes the same sneakers that were worn in the garage and, so, were always covered in grease, but the t-shirt, which boasted a picture of Mario and Luigi, was clean.    
  
"I…" Izumo had to clear his throat. "Ichirou."   
  
"Hi, Izumo. How… how are you?" He asked, frowning.   
  
Izumo took a deep breath. "Awake," he answered and a look crossed Ichirou's eyes that made Izumo think Hayate's brother might have understood.    
  
Ichirou nodded. "I came by now because I thought you might not be here. I'd intended to leave something with your mom, so you wouldn't… have to see me." He finished, his voice dropping.   
  
Izumo swallowed, fought a new set of tears then forced himself to breathe again. When he had control, he said, "It's… okay. Can I help you with something?"    
  
"Izumo?" Mrs. Kamizuki asked, approaching the door.   
  
Her appearance reminded Izumo that they were standing  _in_  the doorway. "OH, I'm sorry, Ichirou, please, come in." Izumo shook his head at himself then stepped back and looked toward his mom. She had a flour spot on her forehead and it made him smile. "You, um…" he started and reached forward to wipe it off.   
  
His mom stared at him a moment and he saw her eyes brighten. "Um, hello Ichirou. If… you'll excuse me, I'm, um, cooking," she said and spun on her heel and hurried back to the kitchen. Izumo watched her take off, another spike of regret going through him. He shoved it aside to turn to the other man.   
  
Hayate's brother stepped through the door and looked uncomfortably from Izumo to the spot where Zumo's mother had just been. "Um…" He paused as if trying to remember why he was there. "Oh, right." He said, blushing, undoubtedly at his momentary lapse then dug something out of his pocket and held it out.   
  
Izumo stared at it a moment, not comprehending. He looked from the item dangling from Ichirou's hand up to his face and back to the large ring hanging from one finger. There was a key on it. "Um… I-Ichirou?"   
  
"Hayate's Jeep. I fixed it up and thought you… thought it might be good for you to have it." Izumo couldn't decipher the look on Ichirou's face, so he gave up, knowing that he wasn't in a very good state of mind, anyway, to try to help or really talk to the other man.   
  
Izumo swallowed and slowly extended his hand toward the key. He wrapped numb fingers around it and Ichirou let go. His eyes fell to his palm and stared for a moment at the piece of metal. "The Jeep?" He asked.   
  
"Yeah, I… figure it… it might, I don't know… just… thought you should have it." He finished and shifted his weight from foot to foot.    
  
Izumo looked up at Ichirou again. "Um, I don't know what to say."   
  
The taller man shrugged one shoulder. "Don't need to say anything. Just… take care of it."   
  
Izumo nodded, feeling like his head was disconnected from his body. "Um…"   
  
"We can worry about the paperwork and stuff later, if you want," Ichirou offered.   
  
Izumo nodded again, feeling like he was suddenly moving on automatic somehow. "Th…" he had to clear his throat again. "Thank you." He looked up and his eyes traced the face in front of him, studying it carefully. He could see the slight differences as he took in each of the features. Ichirou's nose was a little longer, a little wider. His face was slightly rounder, his eyes a little bigger. It  _wasn't_  Hayate. It was Ichirou.    
  
"I… thank you," he said again, his eyes darting out the door. Parked in the same spot it usually was, on the street at the end of the sidewalk, was the blue Jeep. Behind that was Mrs. Gekkou's Honda, still running, the woman in question behind the wheel, undoubtedly waiting for Ichirou.   
  
"You're welcome. I hope it… comforts." Ichirou said, his voice low. "Take care, Izumo. I'll… call you later about the paperwork."   
  
Izumo nodded. "Okay. Thank you. Um… how are you?" He asked and Ichirou started a little in surprise, but he smiled, a small one that didn't  _quite_  reach his eyes.   
  
"Getting there," he answered and Izumo nodded.   
  
"Yeah. Take care," Izumo said and Ichirou left.   
  
He turned toward the kitchen and Kotetsu was standing at the end of the short hall, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Izumo held out the key, still in a bit of shock. "Hay… the… jeep."   
  
Kotetsu stood up and nodded, walking to Izumo. He put one arm around his friend and closed Izumo's hand around the key. "Do you still want pancakes?" He asked, quietly.   
  
Izumo closed his eyes for a brief moment, willing the tears back. He squeezed his hand around the key, letting the sharp edge bite into his palm. The slight physical pain brought him back and he opened his eyes again. "Yes, I do." He gave Tetsu a watery smile. "I'm hungry."   
  
Kotetsu nodded then his lips spread in his own smile. "Good."   
  
When they got into the kitchen, the table was set with the good plates, glasses and silverware, and their mom was setting a big platter of pancakes on the table. A large jug of orange juice and a carafe of coffee were already in place. "Hi, baby," she said, wrapping Izumo into her arms.   
  
"Hi Mom," he managed around her shoulder. He closed his eyes and just accepted the hug for a moment, then swallowed the latest bout of shame for putting her through the shit he did. "Mom?"   
  
She pulled back and he looked up. "What, baby?" She asked, running a hand down his face. She brushed the bangs back again as he worked to be able to speak.   
  
"I'm… I'm sorry," he started, but she shook her head.   
  
"Nope. You don't need to apologize. If… you want to make me happy, let me see you put away a chunk of those pancakes." She squeezed him quickly and let go, taking her seat.   
  
Izumo smiled, and it hurt a little - physically as much as emotionally - since he hadn't really done it in a while, but it felt good, too. He got another slight pang that maybe he shouldn't, but he was getting better at pushing those pangs aside with each jab. He settled in at the table and forked half a dozen of the disks onto his plate, smeared butter on them and dumped syrup over top.    
  
He didn't even notice the other two watching him until he'd stuffed the first bite into his mouth. "What?" He asked, his mouth full then blushed, his eyes going from one to the other. Both his mom and Tetsu laughed. He forced himself to finish chewing and swallowed. "What?" He asked again.   
  
"Nothing," his mom answered, a grin spreading across her face.   
  
"Bet I can eat more pancakes than you can," Kotetsu said in lieu of an answer.   
  
Izumo knew what he was doing and was grateful. "Ha. I'll take that bet. Winner gets to drive the Jeep first." He swallowed around his perpetual lump at the thought of the blue vehicle outside, forced air into his lungs despite the tight chest then stretched his face into a fuller smile.   
  
Tetsu started at the prize, but his smile grew, too. "You're on."


	3. Chapter 3

Tetsu won. Just barely. He managed to steal the very last pancake and stuff it into his mouth. Izumo didn't mind, partially because it felt good to laugh at his subsequent stomach ache.   
  
And partially because he wasn't sure he could drive the jeep just yet.   
  
They'd dressed in jeans and t-shirts and headed out shortly thereafter. As they approached the Jeep, Izumo paused a couple of feet from it. There, on the side was a tiny hole. He took the last couple of steps and stared at it.   
  
It was barely a blip, almost unnoticeable and wouldn't have been if Izumo didn't know to look. There was a patch a little further away, repaired and painted over. And then a third on the door itself also patched and painted over. Izumo had spent so much time looking at the thing over the last year, that he'd learned just about every scrape and dent.    
  
If he stepped back and looked at it objectively, you couldn't tell. But he could. He knew exactly where to look. And he swallowed hard at the reminder of what they were.   
  
Bullet holes.   
  
He took another few seconds, breathing hard, fighting the inevitable tears. He was _not_  going to let them out. He'd spent so much time on all of this. So much time already hiding from life. The pain was part of that, he knew that, recognized it.    
  
He just couldn't let it rule him. He'd let the numbness do that, let it take over. And he'd hurt the  _living_  people in his life because of it.   
  
No more.   
  
Izumo closed the distance and stopped at the side of the jeep. His still avoided looking at the patches, at the hole and he considered the cost of a paint job. But he wouldn't do it anyway, even if he had the money.    
  
Tetsu unlocked the door for him and he yanked on the handle with more force than he'd meant to. He made himself calm down a bit and glanced at Tetsu apologetically. Tetsu watched him for a moment then went around to the driver's side.    
  
"We'll need to get a copy of the key made," Izumo said while Tetsu got settled.   
  
"We don't have to do that," Kotetsu said, concentrating on starting the car.   
  
Izumo shook his head. "No, we should have more than one, anyway. But then we don't have to worry about who's got the keys or whatever."    
  
"Okay." Tetsu said, "So… what do you want to do?"   
  
"Let's go get Kenji. Maybe just drive for a while or something," Izumo suggested and Tetsu nodded, pulling out of the spot.   
  
It took Kotetsu a few tries to get the hang of stick shift again, but then he was zipping through gears like a pro. "This is fun to drive," Tetsu said, taking a corner a little too fast. Zumo hung onto the roll bar and actually chuckled.   
  
"Yeah. H…" he paused and swallowed, then forced his lips to work. "Hayate let me drive it. In fact, he tried to get me to drive more than I did, but…" he trailed off then shook his head at himself. "But I liked being over here. I liked holding his hand instead of having to pay attention to driving."   
  
Tetsu grinned, "I know. Never would let go of him." He snorted. "Especially when we were all together."   
  
Izumo blushed, but chuckled. "Yeah." He stopped then and swallowed again. "Yeah," he said again, looking through the windshield. He wasn't seeing the streets or the lights or the houses, though. He was seeing Hayate in the driver's seat with that annoyed crease on his brow when he kept having let go so he could shift gears. "He used to talk about getting a different car - an automatic. So… so…" he stopped and concentrated on breathing again.   
  
Kotetsu snorted. "Saps. Both of ya."   
  
Izumo nodded. "Yup, no apologies for it, either." He still stared sightlessly out the window, lost in the memories. This was going to be harder than he thought. He focused once more on the simple acts of inhaling and exhaling.   
  
They pulled up at Kenji's and Tetsu cut the engine. "I'll stay here," Izumo said, glancing over and Kotetsu nodded.    
  
"Okay. We don't… we don't hold hands and stuff, Zumo, so you don't have to worry about that."   
  
Izumo nodded, but looked over at his friend. "You don't have to not do stuff because of me. I've already caused plenty of problems. I'm not g-," he started but Tetsu interrupted him.   
  
"Don't. Just… we already talked about this. Stop. We don't hold hands and stuff because we're not boyfriends, okay?"   
  
"Okay," Izumo replied, looking back out through the windshield.    
  
"We'll be right back," Tetsu said, opening the door, but he kept his eyes on Zumo. "You okay?"   
  
Izumo nodded, though he wasn't really, but he would be damned if he kept that crap up and piss Tetsu off more. "I'll be fine. Go get our friend."   
  
"Alright. Back in a minute." Kotetsu said, climbing out of the Jeep.   
  
Izumo watched him walk up the sidewalk, climb the steps to the porch and knock. He turned his attention back to the interior of the Jeep. Ichirou had cleaned it up, so the persistent straw wrappers and crap that Hayate had never managed to clean out were gone. There was an old pack of gum in a small compartment under the radio, and a piece of paper sitting under it.    
  
Izumo reached over and pulled it out. It was a picture of him. One of the snapshots Hayate had taken the summer before when they'd been camping. He had a long stick in his hand that he'd been threatening Tetsu with. Kenji's arm could be seen off to the one side and the edges of Tetsu's spikes on the other. Kotetsu had taken so much crap from everyone for bringing the stuff with him to mess with his hair.   
  
He ran a finger over the picture. He was looking at the camera - and Hayate - and had a huge grin on his face. One of Hayate's hands was sticking out with a finger up. He'd been telling Zumo to just  _stand still for one fucking moment_  while he took the picture.    
  
He carefully put the picture back before he crushed it in his hand without thinking. It took him a couple of tries to get it in place because he couldn't see the compartment clearly anymore. He finally managed it then swiped at the annoying water on his face. He looked out the window, but Tetsu had gone into the house.   
  
He closed his eyes, laid his head back on the seat, and put his energy into finding some semblance of control again.   
  
  
  
"Tetsu?" Kenji asked as he came to the door.   
  
"Hey." Kotetsu greeted Kenji. He glanced over his shoulder, but Izumo's head was down, staring at something in his hand.   
  
"Tetsu, is that…?" Kenji was staring at the jeep.   
  
"Yeah. Ichirou brought it over for Zumo. He thought Zumo might want it." Kotetsu turned back to Kenji. "We were wondering if you might want to go for a drive."   
  
"Yeah. Is he okay?" He asked stepping back.   
  
Kotetsu moved into the house. "He's… different. I don't know if I'd say 'okay' yet. The zombie-like thing he had going is gone. He woke up last night to find out I've been having nightmares again. Proceeded to try to beat himself up for it."   
  
"Ugh." Kenji frowned. "Not his fault."   
  
"That's what I told him, but…"   
  
"Yeah. He's not going to listen." Kenji shook his head.   
  
"Since then, he's been more… I dunno, aware?" Kotetsu sighed. "I don't know what to do with him. He kissed me. Then got mad at himself because he did. I feel like beating my head against the wall."   
  
"Geez, yeah. I'd probably be the same." Kenji sighed. "Let me let Mom know where I'm going. Back in a bit."   
  
"Okay." Kotetsu said, turning and watching Zumo through the door. He'd laid his head back against the seat. And even from there, Tetsu could see the wet cheeks.    
  
He'd never felt so helpless in his life as he had over the last couple of months. Even when he'd been a kid and at his mother's and her boyfriend's mercies, he hadn't felt like that. Zumo had been hurting and he couldn't do a damned thing. He couldn't bring him out of it, couldn't help… just  _couldn't_ .    
  
The few times he'd been away from him outside of their separate classes, he'd ended up letting some of his frustrations out on a wall. There was a nice new patch of drywall and spackle in the living room. Or he'd done some sparring with Kenji, allowing the other to let his frustrations out, too. But it didn't help much, it was really only a stopgap at best.   
  
The worst part of it all was that he understood that there really wasn't much of anything he  _could_  do. He and Kenji had lost Hayate, too, but it was nothing like what his best friend was going through.  _He_  hadn't loved Hayate. And as close as Kenji and Hayate had been, it wasn't nearly the same. So neither of them could quite understand.   
  
And, of course, neither could  _do_  anything.   
  
Kotetsu sighed and turned when he heard Kenji behind him. "Let's see if we can get his mind on something else. We need to find some place he  _didn't_  go with Hayate."   
  
"I might know of a place. Kind of on the other side of town but…" he trailed off and shrugged a shoulder.   
  
"It's worth a try." Kotetsu said. "Let's go."   
  
  
  
When they got to the car, Izumo got out to let Kenji in the back seat. Kenji stopped and hugged him. "Good to see you," the taller man said.   
  
Izumo nodded, understanding what he meant. "Thanks. It's good to see you, too." He tried a watery smile on, but it didn't want to stay put. He took a deep breath and the second attempt was marginally more successful.   
  
Kenji returned it before climbing into the Jeep. Once they were settled, Kenji and Kotetsu filled the silence with talk of teachers and other students and movies, for which Izumo was grateful. He'd avoided the radio for the last couple of months and knew he wasn't quite ready to try that yet. There were just way too many songs that would hurt.   
  
  
  
It wasn't until they'd dropped Kenji off and were on their way home that Izumo registered how much he'd managed to let go of for the day. They'd drawn him into the discussions, plied him with hamburgers and ice cream and dragged him to an inane comedy where he'd proceeded to actually  _laugh_ . And then they'd made plans for the next day to do homework together and watch movies again.   
  
It was almost normal.   
  
And it  _hurt_ .   
  
When it sank in just how much he'd forgotten over the course of the day, he wanted to scream. At himself, at them - it didn't matter. It was irrational, he knew that. And he'd managed to repress the urge to actually do anything with the emotions. But he was mad and he wanted to lash out with it.    
  
How could he forget him? How could he have stopped thinking about Hayate? Even for a few minutes, much less most of the day?   
  
The rational part of his brain spoke up that he was  _supposed_  to. That he couldn't keep holding on to it forever. That he  _had_  to go out and lead a  _normal_ life.   
  
He didn't want to listen to the rational side of his brain. He'd done a lot in just twenty-four hours, but he wasn't ready for all of that, yet. He wasn't ready to try to be normal.    
  
So, he was subdued when they got home. Tetsu had apparently recognized the shift in mood and was giving him space, for which he was grateful. They changed into their pajamas without speaking and crawled onto their bed, again in silence.   
  
But even with a full day and yet more emotional rollercoaster riding, he wasn't ready to sleep. He couldn't quite drift off.    
  
He lay closer to Kotetsu that night. There wasn't nearly the same amount of space between them as there had been before, but he couldn't just let go of the idea that he shouldn't be  _too_  close to someone else, even if it was his best friend.    
  
Oh, but he  _needed_  Tetsu. And that told him just how much of a ball of confusion and emotion that he was and that took him right back to having trouble breathing. There was just too much time now, too much quiet. While they'd been out, they'd distracted him, but now… Now, he was thinking, thinking too much and it was making him insane.    
  
He  _wanted_  to roll over and beg his friend to fuck him into the mattress and make him forget again. Or kiss him until all thought was completely obliterated. Or suck his cock until he could think of nothing but physical sensation.   
  
And he knew Tetsu would do it. In a fucking heartbeat.   
  
So he didn't. He didn't do any of those things because the mere thought of that only made the hole in his chest want to open wider. He wasn't supposed to want that stuff with someone else. Regardless of his reasons  _why_ .   
  
He felt the hand on his hip and he realized he'd been making those sounds again. The same kind of noises he'd been making the night before. Tetsu's arm came around his waist and gently pulled him back until they were tight against each other.   
  
Something snapped in him and Izumo flipped over and fought. His hands slapped, then balled into fists and punched. Punched at anything he could reach. Chest, shoulder, arm. He managed to miss Tetsu's head, but just barely. And, of course, Tetsu didn't move. "No! No, goddammit! I shouldn't! It's not  _right_ ! I belong to  _him_ ! Oh  _fuck_ …" This last came out sounding as broken as he felt and the fists stopped.    
  
"I'm sorry." Those two quiet words out of Tetsu's mouth undid him completely and he let go again. He let it out, let the tears fall, let the choked sounds escape. He vaguely heard the keening sound, and he curled in on himself more.    
  
And Tetsu's arms tightened. "So sorry, Zumo." Izumo heard those soft sounds, the crooning. He felt the gentle touches on his shoulder, the back rub, the fingers in his hair.   
  
And all he could think was that he wanted it to be Hayate.    
  
Another sound, even sharper came out and he finally slapped a hand over his mouth. He didn't want to hear them anymore, didn't want to let them out. Didn't want to  _make_ them, but he couldn't stop.   
  
Hands brushed at the wetness on his face, lips dropped a light dusting of kisses on his brow and temple. Arms tightened around him even more. And a voice - the only voice besides Hayate's in the world that could calm him, that could soothe him, was making the exact sounds he needed to hear.   
  
One part of his brain screamed at him to not be soothed, not be calmed. That he was supposed to cry and rail and scream. He should be angry, he should be hurt. He should fight it all.   
  
But it finally was catching up to him. The day, the roller coaster, the emotional storm. No. He didn't want to sleep, didn't want to dream, didn't want to…    
  
He just  _didn't._   
  
But he didn't have a choice and somewhere in his confused internal rambling, he slipped under.


	4. Chapter 4

He surfaced to consciousness slowly. He registered sensations separately, his mind foggy. He noted that he was warm despite the air-conditioned room and that felt good. Warm because the blanket was tucked carefully around him. He wondered at that and figured it was Kotetsu's doing.   
  
He realized he felt safe, and that was good, too. Safe from some of the pain, at least for the moment. Safe because Tetsu was wrapped tightly around him, arm around his waist and up along his chest. His back was tight against Tetsu's front, and his friend was spooning him.   
  
He felt rested, too. Surprisingly, he didn't have a headache, wasn't achy like he was the day before when he woke. He supposed last night's storm hadn't been quite as… violent as the previous one.   
  
His eyes opened and he blinked into the murky early-morning half-light. He glanced up and saw the alarm clock read just after six. Much too early to get out of bed, but he wasn't going to get back to sleep in his current state.   
  
He was wide awake and really didn't want to move. It felt good and he was rational and sane enough at the moment to recognize that it was okay to want that, okay to appreciate how good it all felt. His eyes drifted around the room and caught the framed picture on the chest of drawers across the room. His breathing hitched a little, but it didn't send the fist to his gut that he expected it to.   
  
He unconsciously snuggled into Tetsu a little more at the reaction and he felt the arms tighten around him in response. "Are you okay?" Tetsu's quiet voice floated to him.   
  
He nodded, not wanting to speak, not wanting to break the tenuous peace he had. Tetsu's hand had moved up to his shoulder in the attempt to bring him even closer. Izumo suspected that a single dust mote couldn't have worked its way between them. And he didn't mind, right then, not one bit.   
  
He rubbed his face against the hand, adding to the touch. He needed touch and held on almost desperately to this little bit of sanity, little bit of normalcy. He turned his head and dropped a light kiss on Tetsu's hand.    
  
He heard the intake of breath and opened his mouth to apologize, then stopped. Tetsu didn't want apologies, he reminded himself, so he said nothing.   
  
Then the hand tugged gently at his chin and Izumo turned his head to look over his shoulder. Tetsu's eyes darted from his own to his mouth and back again.    
  
And it hit him that Tetsu needed comforting, too. Tetsu needed to know that he still cared about him, still needed him around. Still wanted him around.    
  
Izumo had been so busy being angry with himself for his subconscious automatically seeking normalcy, for wanting the mundane that he'd forgotten that Tetsu needed it, too. Yet again ignoring the living. He felt the pang and swallowed. And he'd fought so hard against it - his subconscious, the normalcy - that, even if Tetsu  _knew_  it wasn't directed at him, it still had to hurt, had to make him… wonder.   
  
And maybe if they weren't where they were in that moment, he could just  _say_ something like that. Maybe even make a joke about it then punch him in the arm for doubting. But it wasn't the time for that, now.   
  
Izumo tugged gently on the hand and he saw Tetsu's eyes drop and frown form when he was released. But he turned around, and, taking a deep breath and shoving his doubts and grief aside for a few moments, he tangled his legs up with Tetsu's, scooted against him again, and looked up.    
  
Kotetsu watched him warily. Izumo reached up and pushed a little at the shaggy black hair. "You need a haircut," he said, and felt a little better when he got an eye roll in response. Then he leaned forward, keeping his eyes on Tetsu's so that there was no doubt that Izumo knew what he was doing and who he was doing it with, and he laid his lips over his friend's.   
  
Kotetsu's eyes slid closed and Izumo's followed. His friend's lips came alive under his, nibbling, nipping and tasting. His mouth opened and Izumo didn't hesitate. His tongue slid along the other's and he heard a quiet moan from Kotetsu's throat.   
  
The arm around his waist tightened and brought him a little closer, skin against skin and Izumo reveled in the sensation. It had been  _so_  long.    
  
They broke apart for air and Izumo breathed a quiet, " _Tetsu_ ." He couldn't have explained to himself what all was in that one syllable, he just knew it was full of so much. Want, need, fear, grief…    
  
There was an answering whisper from his friend then their mouths crashed back together. Kotetsu's hand slid along his back and down to his ass, cupping it. Just that little touch drove Izumo crazy. He sucked in a breath and unconsciously rocked into Tetsu.    
  
Tetsu's hand gently squeezed and he pulled back, eyes fixed on Izumo's. "Zumo, do you want…" he started but paused at the look on his friend's face.   
  
"I… don't know that I'm ready for that. I just need to touch. Can… God that's selfish…" he shook his head and looked down.   
  
Tetsu tilted his chin back up. "No. Let me help. Let me do… something." Izumo just blinked at him, heard the frustration in his voice and frowned. But before Izumo could reply, he continued, "God, if you're worried about me getting worked up, I can go jerk off in the shower. So, don't. Worry, that is. If you want something, let me give it to you, if I can."   
  
Izumo swallowed hard, nodded, and leaned in again, feeling the lips that were so damned familiar lend the kind of touch he so badly needed. He recognized and remembered that fluttering in his belly that had so characterized their first kisses together. And when he could let go of Hayate like this for these few minutes, he could simply enjoy that flutter, that anticipation.   
  
He just allowed himself to accept the kisses, give them back, feel the touches, the palms and fingertips ghosting over his skin. He found himself just as aroused as he could tell Tetsu was. But his heart shied away from doing more, regardless of what his body wanted.    
  
But the more they touched, the more they kissed, the more his body demanded. He pulled back briefly, taking a moment to just breathe.  _Could he? Should he? Maybe…  
  
Hayate wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, to deny yourself. _   
  
That thought brought a confusing combination of sadness and sanity. No, Hayate wouldn't want that and Izumo knew it. He closed his eyes and didn't realize he whispered out loud when he said, "He's gone. He's gone and I'm not. I'm alive and I'm human and oh  _God_ , I need…"   
  
Tetsu's hand came up and brushed some of the hair back from his face. "That's right, Zumo. You're  _not_  gone. You're  _alive_  and you deserve to live."   
  
Izumo took a deep breath, swallowed once more then shifted back a little. Keeping his eyes on his best friend, he slid his hand between them. He brushed the back of his fingers over Tetsu's erection and watched the slanted eyes close and listened to his sharp inhale. "Zumo…" he whispered.   
  
He swallowed the last of his doubts and slipped his hand under the waistband of his friend's boxers and wrapped his fist around Tetsu's length. Tetsu's hand went to his, started stroking and he closed his eyes. "Oh God, Tetsu that feels good." The moan was louder than it should be, but he couldn't bring himself to care.   
  
Simple touch. Just this little bit. A hand on his cock and he was already more than a little crazy.   
  
But he realized he was okay with it. He might regret it later, but he'd face that then. He knew what he wanted, what he needed. He swallowed hard, and opened his eyes again. "Tetsu…" he started and watched his friend's dark eyes focus on his face. "Please... Will you… I want… Um…," he stuttered through it, but he saw when Tetsu got it and he closed his mouth.   
  
"Are you sure?" Kotetsu asked, watching Izumo's face carefully. He closed his eyes for one brief moment and then nodded.    
  
"Yes."   
  
He wasted no time. Tetsu pulled at Zumo's pants and had them off, and his mouth around Izumo's cock in what could have only been counted in seconds. "OH GOD, Tetsu!" He nearly shouted, stuffing his fist in his mouth at the last moment.    
  
Grunts. Moans. Near shouts into the fist he was still biting on. The other hand threaded through the black hair and pulled the way he knew Tetsu liked him to, and he was blessedly, blessedly lost in sensation. Tetsu took no prisoners, he had no hesitation, he gave everything he could, everything he knew and poured it all into pleasuring his friend.   
  
"Tetsu… Oh God, Tetsu more. I want you.  _Please…_ " The last word came out with a whine but he couldn't care.    
  
Kotetsu moved up along his body, capturing his lips again and pinning his arms over his head in one hand. With the other, he touched, teased and tormented, driving Izumo completely mindless. Low whimpers of pure need and want leaked out, Izumo's body moving and shifting, trying to reach more of that touch, more of the feeling, just more.   
  
Another plea slipped through his lips and Tetsu let go of his arms to reach under the pillow. Izumo was so far gone, Tetsu had to spread his friend's legs himself, but he didn't mind. He wanted him like that, unable to think, only feel. They were both so hard and aching, it wouldn't take long.   
  
He forced himself to slow down. Zumo was  _tight_  - as in holy fuck tight and Tetsu had to concentrate. But Izumo was impatient, moving against his fingers, and he had to admit, he was, too. He made sure he was coated then finally, he was pushing into his friend.    
  
"Oh  _fuck…_ " Tetsu groaned and heard an answering moan. Zumo's legs lifted, his hands went to Tetsu's upper arms and his nails dug into Kotetsu's shoulders. When Tetsu was finally buried, he paused, trying desperately to remember how to simply _breathe._   
  
But Zumo didn't want to pause; he didn't want time to think. Impatient sounds leaked out and he shifted his hips, trying to encourage Tetsu' to  _move_ .    
  
He took the not-so-subtle hint and started thrusting into his friend's tight body. Zumo's moans were wordless and loud and Tetsu had a moment to worry about the noise, but he looked down at the expression on his friend's face and couldn't really care. He was gone, lost to the sensations and the physical and that's all that mattered to Kotetsu.    
  
Tetsu's breath hitched at the sight of this man, his best friend, Izumo. His head was thrown back, hair off of his face, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open slightly, and skin flushed. It was an… incredible sight.   
  
And Kotetsu wanted to see it a lot more.    
  
He shook his head at the thought, pushed it aside. He had no idea what to do with something like that, anyway. He turned his attention, instead, to driving Zumo closer to the end, giving him everything he could.   
  
He shifted a little and sat back, pulling Izumo up to him so that his friend was riding him. He gave over control and let Izumo take what he needed, what he wanted. The brown eyes met his and he leaned forward, their lips meeting, connecting them in one more place. When they broke apart, he whispered, "Tetsu…" and Kotetsu heard the need, the want, the gratitude, and so much more that he couldn't have figured out even if he wasn't so far gone in that moment. It was all in there, in that single whisper of his name and his arms tightened briefly around Izumo.   
  
Then they moved together, working to bring the other that pleasure, to give to each other. Tetsu leaned back slightly, his arms going up Zumo's back and hands on his friend's shoulders. Izumo's head fell back, face twisting as the feelings spiked through him. Tetsu rocked up into him as he moved, and their moans merged into one long, low sound of need.    
  
And then Tetsu's own body took over for him and he felt the tension build fast. The body over him -  _Zumo's_  body felt so incredible, he couldn't think any longer. He pumped into him as Izumo rode him, the tight heat almost too much. It blindsided him, the pleasure, his climax, in just how swiftly it happened. "Oh God… ZUMO!" He nearly shouted as it hit, slamming into his friend and rendering him senseless, the only other sounds he made wordless grunts. He felt a bite on his neck and the pain drew his orgasm out, stretched it until he was blind and deaf.   
  
Izumo buried his face in Tetsu's neck and when he felt Tetsu tense, when the other man jerked, raising him up off of his knees, he held on. He was close, so incredibly close and when he felt the spasms, felt Tetsu's orgasm, it triggered his own. "Oh God," he choked out, then bit down on the neck under his lips giving himself over to the fire and pleasure crashing through his body. He shuddered with it, lost completely to it the shouts he released into Tetsu's wet, hot skin.   
  
When it was over, they held onto each other for a few moments, both panting hard. Izumo nuzzled Tetsu's neck over the mark he'd left and Kotetsu's arms tightened around the other man. Kisses were dropped, brushes of fingers and of lips across skin. Light touches to soothe as they calmed down.   
  
Kotetsu laid Izumo back carefully, not leaving the other man just yet, not wanting to lose that connection. He followed him, Izumo's arms tightening around him, his friend's face still buried in his neck. He felt the shudders of Izumo's breathing and hoped to hell he didn't just make things worse for the other man.   
  
Izumo swallowed hard, working to hold the emotions back. That had been everything he'd needed and wanted and then some. He'd felt things both toward and from Tetsu, things he didn't understand, things he couldn't quite figure out. And he wasn't capable of figuring them out then.   
  
He was too busy fighting the guilt that, now that it was done, wanted to take over.   
  
He clung to his friend, both wanting more of that touch, more of anything from him and wanting to push him away and cling instead to the guilt and memories. He felt Tetsu start to move and he whispered, "Don't… please… just a little bit longer."   
  
Tetsu nodded and settled in a little more. The weight felt good on him, the warmth of this person, his best friend. Tetsu kissed his shoulder, one hand came up to play with his hair and he closed his eyes again, savoring the soothing gestures.   
  
He couldn't let it guilt him, wouldn't do that. Not yet, at least. He didn't want to ruin this, didn't want to take what Tetsu had done for him and toss it back in his face. He wanted to show him instead how much it meant. He turned his head and brushed his mouth over the side of Tetsu's face. Kotetsu brought his lips to Izumo's and they both felt the emotions pouring through the kiss.    
  
He had no idea how long they'd laid there, with just these kisses and touches, but he pulled back finally and looked up into Tetsu's eyes. "Thank you."   
  
Kotetsu's arms tightened around him. "Thank  _you_ . For letting me help, letting me do something."   
  
Izumo nodded and Tetsu moved off of him. He snuggled into his best friend, his head tucking once more under Tetsu's chin and they simply lay there together for a long while in silence, arms around each other, both heads filled with chaotic thoughts.    
  
Finally, Kotetsu's arms tightened around Izumo. "Mom's going to be cooking soon and Kenji'll be here before too long. We should get up."   
  
Izumo nodded and pulled back. "Yeah." He sighed and looked up at his best friend. "Thank you. Again."   
  
Tetsu pushed the brown hair back. "You're welcome. Thank you." At Izumo's puzzled look, he shrugged one shoulder. "It's not like I didn't get anything out of it." He smirked a little at Izumo's snort. "But I'm glad I could help in some way. It was certainly a pleasant way to help, too."   
  
Izumo laughed, the sound loud and odd in his ears.  _He was laughing! No! He's not supposed to do that!_  The smile faded from his face and he swallowed hard. "Could… would you mind if I showered first?"   
  
Kotetsu shook his head, frowning. "No, go ahead."    
  
Izumo nodded and paused briefly, looking Tetsu over. He dropped a light kiss on his friend's lips before slipping out of bed. He grabbed his pajama pants and last night's t-shirt to cover the mess on him, and hurried out of the room.   
  
Kotetsu watched him leave and let out a long sigh. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his hands over his face then dropped them and stared at the upper bunk. How the hell did he handle all of this? And what was that, anyway? Even  _he_  knew that wasn't a straight fuck.    
  
And it wasn't just pity or grief or anything else like that, either. There was something else there, something that reminded him a lot of what it had been like between the two of them before Hayate had ever entered the picture. He remembered the feelings he'd had when they'd kissed those few times, the first times they'd touched each other.    
  
That had been there this time, too. And he didn't think it was just on his side.    
  
It didn't matter. Whatever it was, whatever it had been, it wasn't something he could do anything with or about. They'd had sex, he'd helped Zumo forget, ignore his pain for a while and that's all he'd wanted.   
  
Or, at least, all he'd admit to. He flat refused to admit that he wanted Zumo to want him for him and not because he was grieving and just needed  _some_ one. He wouldn't admit that that want was sharper than anything he'd felt for a very long time.   
  
His mind drifted to Kenji. Maybe they weren't boyfriends, but he did have to think about the other man, too. Kenji said he didn't mind if Tetsu did something with Zumo if he needed it, but outside of that, they had kept to each other. And he didn't think it meant he should necessarily have sex with Zumo all the time, either, though he didn't know, for sure.   
  
He sighed. Too complicated. Life had gotten way too complicated too fast. He missed how things had been just a little over a year ago when it was just about tentative touches and mutual jacking off. The first attempts at oral. He wished he could go back to then, before crushes and boyfriends and death and grief.   
  
He shook his head at himself. He didn't really know where all of that came from, but it was time to forget about it. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes to try to relax until Zumo was done.


	5. Chapter 5

Izumo leaned against the tile, letting the water run over him. He needed to scrub and get out so Tetsu could have some warm water, but he couldn't bring himself to move. The fresh water of the shower was washing the salty water from his cheeks and he didn't want to be forced to face it more directly and have to physically  _wipe_ them away.   
  
He shouldn't have done it.   
  
The rational and irrational were warring inside him again. He wanted to tell his brain to just  _shut the fuck up_  and leave him alone, but of course, it didn't listen. He kept flipping between the guilt that was eating at him to the understanding that he was _allowed_  to need things like he'd done with Tetsu, was allowed to need and want touch and all of that.   
  
But right now, the guilt was winning.  _  
  
He shouldn't_ _have_ . Those three words kept replaying themselves in his head and he couldn't seem to make it stop. How could he let someone else touch him? It didn't matter  _who_  it was! It didn't matter  _why_  it was.  _He shouldn't have_ .   
  
He wrapped his arms around his middle and gave in to the feelings. He slid slowly down the tile and sat in a small ball in the tub, letting the spray wash over him. He didn't pay attention to when his hair got in his face, didn't notice water running into his eyes. He didn't realize he was cold and that the water wasn't as warm as it could be. He didn't pay attention to any of it.   
  
All he felt, all he knew was the pain that was starting to feel physical again. Felt that sharp jabs in his gut and chest that was reminding him of the hole that was still very much there and still very much open. The tears continued to fall, and despite him, those damned sounds escaped again. He hated to hear those, hated that he let that much out. Because he was already so tired of it. Tired of crying, of hurting, of feeling like this. Tired of missing Hayate. He wanted him back, not this  _fucking_ emotional mess instead.    
  
That thought started a fresh batch of tears. God, he missed him. Missed the smile, the dark eyes, his laugh, his kisses, that crazy crease in his forehead when he was annoyed, the arms around him… even missed the early morning grumpiness. He curled a little tighter in to himself as the hole in his chest opened a little further.   
  
He had no idea how long he sat there, curled in that ball, the tears still flowing when Tetsu came into the bathroom. He didn't say anything; he simply stripped his boxers off and climbed into the tub with Zumo, sitting behind the other man and pulling his friend into his arms.   
  
Izumo wanted to fight it, fight having someone else's arms around him, but he just couldn't. He didn't have the emotional or physical strength and there was just enough of the rational part of him still cognizant to not want to fight completely. "I'm sorry, Zumo," he whispered in Izumo's ear.   
  
Izumo shook his head. Not his fault, he didn't ask, didn't push, didn't even offer. All he did was give Izumo what was asked for. "Not…" he croaked, his throat thick, "not your fault."   
  
Tetsu's arms just tightened briefly at that. He held him another moment then stood up, pulling Izumo with him. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Mom's making food."   
  
He got to his feet and Tetsu washed most of him, then he took the washcloth to take care of the rest of himself. He winced when he washed his still very sore ass. Apparently, the emotional mess he was in didn't keep him from feeling the physical pain, too and that brought him back a little bit from the edge. He sighed and looked up at Tetsu. "I'm sorry," he said. "I… just…," he trailed off.   
  
"Feel guilty." Tetsu finished and Izumo's eyes widened. "I know how you think, Zumo. Best friend, remember?"   
  
Izumo nodded miserably. "Yeah." He said, his breath stuttering in his chest. He didn't say anymore, just concentrated on not crying and finishing up. Tetsu cleaned himself, then shut off the water and wrapped a towel around Izumo and then himself. Tetsu hurried them back into their room to get dressed and by the time he had warm sweats on, the horrid urge to cry had faded quite a bit. He still felt the guilt, still fought with it, but at least he didn't want to turn on the water works quite so much.   
  
Their mom was at the stove, stirring eggs when they got to the kitchen. "There's my babies," she greeted them with a grin and both Kotetsu and Izumo blushed at being called her babies. They each dropped a kiss on her cheek and headed to the cabinets to set the table. "Tetsu, the roast I want for dinner's in the freezer downstairs, would you go get it?"   
  
Tetsu smirked, knowing she wanted to talk to Izumo. "Sure," he said, shooting a look at Izumo, who looked chagrined.   
  
When they were alone, Izumo turned to his mom. "What did you want to talk to me about?"   
  
She laughed. "Too perceptive sometimes. Or was I that transparent?"   
  
"There's a roast in the fridge already."   
  
"Oh." She chuckled then her face turned serious. "How are you?"   
  
Izumo sighed. "That question is going to get old," he muttered. "But necessary, I guess. I've been better. I'm not… great right now, actually."   
  
"Is this about Tetsu?" She asked.   
  
He stared at her a moment, trying to figure out what she knew, fighting the color that wanted to bloom on his cheeks. "Um…"   
  
She sighed and held up a finger. She dumped the eggs into a dish, turned the heat off under the bacon before turning to her son. "I'd have to be completely deaf to not know."   
  
The color in his cheeks won. "Oh."   
  
"Look, I've already talked to you about this stuff. You're a grown man, now, Izumo." She took the two steps across the kitchen and leaned against the small island Izumo was standing at. She looked him over in silence a moment and brushed at his stubborn bangs. "What you do with your sex life is your business. I talked to you about safe sex because, unfortunately, the fact that you're gay means you're a bit more open to some dangers." She shrugged one shoulder. "It's a fact and I just don't want to lose you or Tetsu, especially when it's mostly avoidable now. Or, at least, you can take steps to prevent it."   
  
She paused and stared at the laminated top of the counter, running a finger along the painted-on wood grain. Izumo said nothing, caught still in his storm of emotions. He just now had the added bonus of mortification to throw on top of it, too. "You know, I know how you feel," her voice had dropped so low that he had to strain to hear her.   
  
Izumo looked down, staring at his bare toes. It hadn't occurred to him that she did. He barely remembered his father; he'd been so young when they'd lost him. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and looked back up at her.   
  
He realized just how much they looked alike. He'd seen the pictures of his dad, she had them everywhere. And he knew that he didn't look anything like the older Kamizuki. He was, as she'd told him plenty, a smaller, male version of her. She had the same long brown hair, though hers was longer than his and most often tied back. Her eyes looked a little bigger in her face than his did, but they were the same chocolate brown. They had the same oval face, same shaped lips, same everything.    
  
He wondered if she ever regretted that, if it might have been better if he'd at least looked like his dad so she'd have that to remind her of him. He shook his head slightly, banishing the thoughts. He met her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to suppress the ache. "I'm sorry. It just didn't…"   
  
"I know." She reached out and brushed at his bangs again, running her fingers down his face. "When… when your father died, I had friends. But none of them were to me what Tetsu is to you. I had no male friends to turn to like you do."   
  
Izumo frowned. He looked over his mother, realizing he'd never seen her with another man. Never, in all these years, had he seen her date. "You loved my dad. You didn't… wouldn't have…" he trailed off, despite the adult conversation, still unable to put his mother and having sex in the same sentence.   
  
She sighed. "I would have, Zumo."   
  
Izumo looked at her sharply. "You would? But…"   
  
"He was gone, Zumo. Just like Hayate. He was dead and finding comfort, allowing myself to live and feel wouldn't have brought him back. It wouldn't have tarnished his memory, wouldn't have changed how much I loved him when he lived." She swallowed around the lump.   
  
"Why haven't you… found anyone else?" Izumo asked.   
  
She sighed again. "At first, I was afraid of falling in love. I didn't have anyone to tell me then that it would be okay to. That Sho would have wanted me to. I was afraid of all those things - tarnishing his memory or somehow forgetting him. But of course, I haven't forgotten him. And you'll never forget Hayate. He'll always be a part of you. But… " She took a deep breath. "But you can remember him and still let go of the pain, eventually the grief and the need to…" she paused and shrugged "To stay true to him. You can live and be happy with someone else."   
  
"You never did." Izumo pointed out.   
  
His mother nodded. "Yes. That's true. But by the time I realized that it would be okay to love again, I was busy. I worked, raised you and practically raised Tetsu at the same time. Then I  _did_  raise Tetsu. It takes a lot to manage and provide for two boys. Especially you two, with the both of you being the same age."   
  
Izumo's mouth twisted. "Sorry."   
  
She chuckled. "I'm not. I wouldn't trade you two for the world. I love you both and I'm happy to have you." She fell silent for a moment. "I'm glad you don't feel like brothers, though."   
  
Izumo blinked. "Why?"   
  
She studied his face. "You wouldn't have him to give you what you need. You've never had a brother, so you wouldn't understand that there are some things that just aren't appealing with a sibling, much less acceptable. Suffice it to say that the things I've heard wouldn't happen."   
  
He blushed again. "Ugh, Mom…" he groaned, closing his eyes.    
  
She laughed. "I'll stop mentioning it." She stood up and turned to the stove, picking up the dish of eggs and dumping it into the pan to warm back up. "I just want you to think about it. If you need something, if you need Tetsu, don't push him away. There's nothing wrong in taking comfort with him."   
  
Izumo resisted the urge to groan again. She might as well have told him, 'go ahead, go fuck!' but he knew that wasn't quite what she was saying, either, that it wasn't _just_  about the physical. He let his mind turn it over while he went to set the table.   
  
  
Kotetsu stood outside the kitchen. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop; he just hadn't realized they weren't done yet. And then it was just too hard to walk away.    
  
He'd called her "Mom" for as long as he could remember, but he'd always still just thought of her as "Izumo's Mom." It was something to find out she really thought of him as her own son.    
  
He'd never known his father. He didn't even know if his mother knew who it was. "Hagane" was  _her_  name. He'd thought about getting it changed when he turned eighteen, but he had no idea what he'd change it to. Maybe someday, if his adopted mom didn't mind, he'd take Kamizuki; he just wasn't ready to ask for that yet.   
  
He shook his head. No, the issue at the moment was the things she'd said to Izumo. Besides knowing they'd had sex - and he himself had blushed horribly at that, but besides that was the idea that she encouraged Izumo to be with him.    
  
He let his head fall back to the wall and closed his eyes. He still wondered at times if he'd end up like  _her_ . His bitch of a biological mother. If there was something in the genes that would eventually make him be like that. Intellectually, he knew better, but there were still moments when he couldn't shake the idea.   
  
But apparently Izumo's mom - his mom, the one he thought of as his  _real_  mom, didn't think so. And if he understood what she was saying, she thought that he and Izumo should… be together?   
  
He didn't know what to make of it. Didn't know what to believe out of all of that. They were best friends. They had had sex - twice now, but he didn't know if Zumo could love him like that. He wasn't sure  _he_  could love at all, much less love Zumo.    
  
Hell, he wasn't even sure he knew what love was. But that was neither here nor there at that point. Even if Zumo wanted to love him, it wasn't happening for a long time, not with his grief over Hayate still too new. But Tetsu would be there, he'd give to Zumo anything he needed.    
  
"You can come in now, Tetsu," his mom called and he blushed.    
  
He stood up and went around the wall, setting the frozen roast on the island. "Um…"   
  
She smiled and dropped a kiss on his cheek. "It's okay, love, I mostly didn't want to embarrass Zumo." She pulled him into her arms and wrapped them around him. "I love you as much as I love him. Don't doubt it or forget it." She whispered into his ear and kissed his cheek again. "And thank you. For being there for him."   
  
She stepped back and turned to the stove and he simply stared for a moment at her.  _She'd just thanked him for having sex with Izumo._  He knew there was more to it than that, but that was there, too. He shook his head.   
  
He turned get the silverware out and put it on the table and caught Zumo's gaze. His best friend was staring at him and their eyes met for a long moment. Neither said anything, and he couldn't decipher what was on his friend's face, but he realized in that moment just how important Izumo was to him. And the realization slammed into his gut like a punch from their sensei at the dojo.    
  
He'd always known it, to a point. When his mother… when Ama - he refused to think of her as his mother anymore - had decided to move away from her boyfriend again and taken him with her, he'd always done his best to see Izumo when he could. The only decent thing she'd done was stay in the same school area, and he'd been able to see his friend during school. He went home with Izumo as often as possible, too, sometimes with Ama not even figuring it out until much later.   
  
So, he'd always known Izumo was important, always tried to spend what time he could with his friend. But in that moment, it really hit him just how much the other man meant to him. They continued to stare at each other for another moment, then their mom turned on the water in the sink and the spell was broken. He looked down at the silverware in his hand and proceeded to set the table, but that thought, that feeling didn't fade for a very long time.


	6. Chapter 6

Izumo was just finishing up the last of his physics homework when his mom _humphed_  from the general direction of the refrigerator. He'd had to struggle through quite a bit of it, having not been able to pay enough attention in class like he should have the last couple of months, so he was grateful to put it down. "Something wrong, Mom?"   
  
She looked over her shoulder at the table. Kotetsu and Kenji had also looked up from their books. "Oh, um, we're just out of milk. Can't make the potatoes without it."   
  
"I can go get some for you." Izumo offered, flipping his book closed.   
  
"I'll go," Kotetsu quickly put in, looking over Izumo.    
  
Izumo met his gaze for a moment then glanced at Kenji, who was also watching him. "No, it's okay. I… I want to. I can make a quick trip for milk."   
  
"I'd appreciate it, honey," his mom said a little too casually. He tried to ignore her tone as he put his stuff back together and shoved it into his backpack.    
  
"Tetsu, do you have the keys?" He asked, turning to the other two.   
  
"They're in our room," he said, getting up. He disappeared down the hall and returned a moment later with them, handing them to Izumo and using the excuse to pull his friend aside. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"   
  
"Yeah. I… I need to get used to it, Tetsu. It's okay. It really is a short trip." Izumo forced a smile and took the keys from his friend.   
  
"If you're sure." He paused. "Do you want us to go with you?" Kotetsu asked.   
  
Izumo shook his head. "Really, it's fine."   
  
Kotetsu looked him over another few seconds then finally nodded. "Okay. Well, then, see you in a bit."   
  
It annoyed Izumo no small amount that it was even an issue. It was annoyance at himself, more than anything, because he didn't like what he was right then, didn't like that he was a ticking damned time bomb. He marched out of the house, determined to be adult about it and just  _go_ and  _do_  what he had to do.    
  
His first step faltered at the end of the sidewalk. He blinked at the jeep, but then he shook his head and kept going. He walked around the back then he unlocked the driver's side door, but paused again when he went to climb in. It was only because he was standing  _in the street_  and a car came down the road at that point that he was spurred into climbing up.    
  
Finally, once he was in the driver's seat and moving, it wasn't so bad. He could concentrate on the driving itself, shifting gears and traffic so that he didn't have time to be upset by anything. The trip to the store was relatively short, and traffic at that point was nice and light.    
  
Milk jug in hand, he approached the checkout and saw a small bucket of flowers by the register. On impulse, he paused and considered them then, after some deliberation, picked up a bunch for his mom. He'd figure out a way to make it up to Tetsu, too, because he needed to for all he'd put him through.    
  
The clerk was nice, but impersonal and Izumo was rather glad of it. He didn't really want to try to answer the typical "how are you today" question that was always asked, because he was afraid he'd end up giving an honest answer. And he really didn't want to do that because he didn't think she really wanted to hear it.   
  
He slowed again when he approached the jeep, but took a deep breath, dropped the milk on the floor by the passenger seat and flowers on the seat itself and started it up again. But this time when he approached the street, the traffic was awful. He leaned forward around a sign next to him to see a line of people streaming out of the church across the street. Right. Sunday.   
  
He sighed and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He tried to keep his gaze on the people flooding the street, but it didn't hold his attention. He blew out a breath and looked around at the other traffic. Despite himself, he caught a glimpse of the picture under the radio, but he patently ignored it.   
  
But the silence was starting to get to him. He drummed his fingers again and cursed his timing. If he'd been just a couple of minutes faster, he might have missed the people and traffic altogether. If he hadn't stopped for the flowers… he shook his head. It didn't matter, he was here now.    
  
He finally gave in and twisted the dial on the radio, turning the power on. The static hit first then it settled into music. _  
  
We can be like they are… Come on baby, don't fear the reaper…_   
  
He rolled his eyes and hit the "seek" button. The next station, he knew, was a harder metal station. That could be good. He raised his eyebrow when he heard the drum break, then… _  
  
Don't know what you got till it's gone…_   
  
"Oh for fuck's…" he grumbled and hit the button again. Okay, he knew the next one was country. Maybe they'd be singing about their truck breaking down or their dog dying or something. That, he could deal with. _  
  
Is the love I gave her in the past… Gonna be enough to last… If tomorrow never comes..._   
  
"Holy shit. Is this torture Izumo by the radio day?" He growled and jabbed at the seek button again a little surprised he let the song get that far _._  While the radio hit the end of the numbers and wrapped around, skipping quite a bit before it landed on 95.5, another country station, he watched the street. It still hadn't moved, so he turned his attention back to the radio. He gritted his teeth, finger poised on the button again. _  
  
How do I live witho-_   
  
He didn't even let the full line get through. He was starting to shake. This was a  _bad_ idea. He'd punched the seek button and didn't pay attention at first to what was playing because the traffic finally started to move and he needed to watch what he was doing. He dropped his hand to the stick shift and pulled out onto the street.   
  
He was able to ignore the station for a couple of minutes while he navigated around cars and through lights, but the next few lines caught his attention- _  
  
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me  
  
Un-break my heart,   
say you'll love me again_   
  
\-- and he gritted his teeth harder, reaching up to change the station again.   
  
As he went to hit the button, though, or better yet, give up and turn the  _fucking_ thing off, someone behind him honked and he realized he was sitting at a green light. He forced his attention back to the road, so he didn't notice the song end and another one start. He made the turn back onto their street, and as he was pulling into the spot, the lyrics finally got through to him. He managed to turn the engine off, but then he could do nothing but sit stone still and listen.  [[Click to listen]](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9mEYZxkDsM)   
  
_Just think of me  
And I'll be there  
  
Don't be afraid, oh my love  
I'll be watching you from above  
And I'd give all the world tonight,  
To be with you  
'Cause I'm on your side  
And I still care  
I may have died,_   
  
\-- At this point, the tears started falling in earnest. He tightened his hands around the wheel, his gaze fixed on nothing in the current time or space. He saw only a set of dark eyes, a dimple and a half-smile, one that had been only for him. _  
  
But I've gone nowhere  
  
Just think of me,  
And I'll be there_   
  
He gripped the wheel in shaking hands, unable to reach for the stereo much less twist the  _fucking_  knob to turn it off. He knew his cheeks were soaking wet, knew that he was making  _those damned sounds_  again, but he couldn't stop. He wrapped his arms around the steering wheel as if it was  _him_ , as if he could somehow hug Hayate instead and dropped his head onto the plastic that had been smoothed from so much use. Use by hands he missed. Hands that had touched him to calm, touched him to soothe, touched him to give pleasure…    
  
" _Oh God_ …" the words echoed around the confined space, bounced back to him and he heard just how much pain was in his voice and it only made the hurt morph into anger. He screamed at the steering wheel, a shouted "FUCK!" that cut off in another strangled sound he didn't want to identify. He tightened his hands and the anger drained as fast as it hit. He collapsed back down, his forehead hitting plastic with a quiet  _thunk!_  and let the tears flow unimpeded.   
  
He didn't hear the station change songs, didn't pay attention to the things the DJ said. He only vaguely registered a Duran Duran song and something about coming undone when the door opened and Tetsu's hands tugged on him. He saw Kenji out of the corner of his eye reach across and twist the key in the ignition and pull it out.   
  
He slid out of the jeep and into his friend's arms then let Tetsu manhandle him onto the sidewalk and up to the house. When they got onto the porch, he pulled himself together and paused at the door, seeing Kenji holding the milk and flowers. "Um, I… just want a minute." He started to turn then said, "I'll be okay," in a soft voice at the look the other two gave him. They stared another moment then they opened the front door and he moved to the rocker his mother kept on the front porch.   
  
Tetsu let him go and they went into the house. Izumo sat down on the rocker, staring into nothingness. He tried to get control of his emotions again for what felt like the millionth time since he'd awakened on Friday night from his dream to discover Tetsu's nightmares. He'd been sucker-punched by the song, hadn't been expecting it at all, even with the other ones that had come up in his station-hopping.   
  
He'd heard that particular song before, of course, but he hadn't paid much attention to it because, at the time, it hadn't applied to him. He swallowed hard, trying to dislodge his lump and worked to get his breathing calmed down once more. His eyes focused on the railing in front of him and there were the shallow dents in the soft weathered wood.   
  
He remembered the night those got there. A year and two months ago. Tetsu had been gripping the railing hard, fighting with the demons of his past, his mother, her john. All of it had been brought on over the mess with Hayate and Kenji.    
  
He leaned forward and ran his finger over the depression. It reminded him well of the fact that he'd made the determination to start worrying more about the living. It reminded him of the promise he'd made to Kotetsu and the one he'd made to himself to try harder to keep that promise.   
  
He missed Hayate… missed him so much. He closed his eyes and let the ache surface for a moment. He brought the feel of Yate's arms around him to his mind and wrapped his own around himself trying to hold onto it for just one more moment.   
  
He knew he would miss him for a long time and the ache wouldn't go away anytime soon. But he had to remember that there were living people in his life that needed him, needed him to be better than he had been. There were living people that wanted him to be part of them, part of the living, part of  _life._   
  
The reminder of Tetsu, of the promise he'd made helped to steady him. He took a breath and realized that he could, so he took another, deeper one. Then he stood and headed into the house. He had friends to be with.   
  
_The phone was ringing. He didn't want to answer it, knew it was a call he didn't want to take. He knew that the caller would tell him something he didn't want to hear. He looked around the kitchen, maybe to get someone else to answer it and saw the dirty dishes in the sink, dishes Tetsu was supposed to be washing, but he wasn't there.  
  
No one was. That was strange. His mother should be there, too. He knew this night, knew what it was. Where was everyone?  
  
He turned back and stared at the phone, willing it to silence. If he waited long enough, they'd give up and he wouldn't have to hear it. If he didn't answer it, he wouldn't have to face the news it would give.  
  
But it wouldn't stop ringing. It wouldn't quit. He'd lost count of the rings at twenty and he gave up and reached out tentatively to lift the receiver off of the hook. His hands were shaking badly, so badly that he dropped it as soon as he picked it up. He snatched at the long cord, trying to keep it from hitting the floor.  
  
Then he thought that if he let it hit the floor, it would break and they couldn't talk to him. Too late, he realized, he'd already caught it.   
  
He lifted the phone to his ear. "H-h-hello?" He said, and his voice sounded strange. Besides being shaky, it was breathless and… deeper than he thought it should be. He didn't understand it, but it was a dream - he recognized that much. Then he didn't think too much about it at all because the voice that came through the line startled him.   
  
"Zumo?" Hayate's voice asked.  
  
"Yate?" He blinked at the phone, wondering why it was different than he remembered. Then he shook his head and focused back on the voice on the line. "Yate! You're… alive?" Izumo asked.  
  
"Of course, I am." Yate's patient voice said. "I'm not the one who died, Zumo. Are… are you okay?" Hayate asked, sounding concerned.  
  
"Okay? No, I'm not okay! Why would I be okay? I mean. I'm so happy you're alive and okay! But… Yate, if you… if you're not dead… and… you're not the one who…?" Izumo shook his head in confusion.  
  
"No, Zumo. I'm not. Um, I was just there, but I had to go home, or I'd still be there to help you. It's why I called. I was worried. Don't tell me, you don't remember…?" He let the question go and Izumo's eyebrows dropped into a scowl of confusion at the tone of Yate's voice.  
  
"What do you mean, remember? What's there to remember? Nothing's happened! I mean, it did to you, you're dead! But, you're not. So, there's nothing to remember." He was starting to really freak out.   
  
"Oh, Zumo. I'm… God, this sucks." Yate sounded… scared? Sad? Resigned? "How many times are we going to have to say this?" He asked with exaggerated patience almost like he was talking to a child, though Izumo knew somehow he wasn't expecting an answer. "Zumo… it was Tetsu. He's the one that's gone. Don't you remember? He took the jeep out? Went for milk for your mom?"  
  
"No! No, that's not what happened! Tetsu was home with me when your mom called! It was _ you _, Yate, not Tetsu! You were… oh God, you were shot. D-drive by." His stuttering voice went up an octave in fear. Nothing was making_ sense! _"You took a wrong turn! You were running late and tried to take a shortcut, but it was the wrong way and you ended up in a bad part of town!" He could hear the panic taking over. "You did 'cause you didn't leave me when you were supposed to! You stayed too late, because I asked you to, because I didn't want to let you go!" His voice rose even higher in pitch as he went so that he was nearly shrieking by the time he got to the end.  
  
Then he stopped, trying to control his voice through the confusion. "And you died." He whispered. "You died because of it… because of me…" He broke, then, the tears finally coming through the confusion, panic and fear.  
  
"No, Zumo, no, baby, I'm okay. I'm alive. I'm fine." Izumo heard the gulp over the line. "Zumo, it was Tetsu… Tetsu went out. He… _ he _got shot. At the convenience store. Oh baby, I'll come over, I'll come right back. Just stay there and hang on…" Hayate hung up, but Izumo didn't hear the click, didn't register the fast disconnect beeping. He was staring in horror at the sink of suds, suds that weren't there a minute ago. The water was running, water that no one had been there to turn on. Because there was still no Tetsu standing there, like he was supposed to be. Was… Tetsu… was he…  
  
He started shaking his head. No. No no no no. Oh God, no, not Tetsu! Not him. His whole body shook as the horror and fear took over.  
  
'Would… oh God, would I trade them? Would… do I wish… Do I wish it had been Tetsu?'  
  
But he knew the answer to that, didn't need to say it even if his dream self didn't agree.  
  
'NO! No, I don't. Tetsu can't be dead! No. Give me Tetsu back, please. I couldn't… I can't… not without him. Not without Tetsu…'  
  
His words started to merge together, scared, now, out of his wits.  
  
'No, Tetsu, don't go. Please, Tetsu… don't… ohGod, don'tdie, youcan'tdie…no…'_   
  
  
"ZUMO!"    
  
Izumo sat bolt upright in bed. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands were shaking and he couldn't seem to focus on anything. He kept seeing the sink in the kitchen with the suds and the water running where his best friend had been the night they'd gotten the call about Hayate. Where, in his dream, Tetsu wasn't.    
  
He felt hands on him and he knew them. Knew those hands. Not Hayate's hands, they were Kotetsu's hands, his best friend. He rolled into the arms and let them wrap around him, whimpers escaping from his throat. "I'm here, Zumo. I'm okay. Shhh." Kotetsu's voice drifted to him.   
  
The world started to right itself and settle into place then when he felt Tetsu touching him and his tears slowed. Tetsu was running hands over his back, smoothing his hair down, dropping kisses on his head. His breathing steadied, his heart slowed back to a normal pace and he could begin to think clearly again. _  
  
What the hell had that been?_   
  
He snuggled further into his friend, seeking the scent, the warmth that was Kotetsu. He tried to figure out the dream, tried to understand what that had been about, but he couldn't quite sort it out. The biggest thing that kept at him, the thing that bothered him the most was the  _fear_ . It had hurt to think about Hayate again, no doubt about that, but it was even worse at the thought of losing Tetsu.    
  
And not because it was  _in_ _addition_ _to_  losing Hayate. No. The fear was so sharp because he'd been thinking of losing Tetsu  _instead of_  Hayate.   
  
They were best friends. That's why, that's all. That's what he told himself, anyway then he pushed it away the best he could and instead concentrated on the solid heartbeat under his ear, on the arms around him.   
  
"Tetsu…" he whispered not knowing the fear was leaking through his voice and he felt the lips on the top of his head.    
  
"Zumo. Are you okay?" Kotetsu asked.   
  
He nodded against the chest, tightening his arms around his friend. "I am now."   
  
"Do you remember it? Do you want to talk about it?" Tetsu asked.   
  
He shook his head. "No, not really. I don't remember much of it at all and I'm not sure what it means."   
  
"Want to tell me what you do remember?"   
  
He wasn't being entirely truthful and he knew it. He didn't quite know why he didn't want to tell Tetsu what had been there at the end of his dream, what he'd been so afraid of. So again, Izumo shook his head. "I'd rather just try to forget about it."   
  
Kotetsu didn't say anything at first, just continued to rub his friend's back, drop light kisses on the top of his head. Izumo thought for a moment that he would call bullshit, but finally, he asked in a quiet voice, "Would you like help forgetting?"   
  
"Oh God yes." His breath shuddered out of him. "Tetsu… need you…" He didn't pay attention to what he was saying, just knew the relief he felt that it was a dream and it was over. "Need to feel you…" he murmured, dropping kisses along the skin under his face.   
  
Kotetsu tilted his chin up and captured his lips in a kiss that told Izumo just how much Tetsu had figured out. He shoved it away, refusing to face it right then. Instead, he took the comfort, took the touches, took the need and want he felt from Tetsu and returned it in spades.   
  
Hands ghosted over skin, lips reassured and reminded: they were both alive and both okay. When Izumo pushed into Tetsu a little later and filled him, the world finally felt  _right_  again. Everything felt  _right_  when he was here, when they were like this. He couldn't have put a name to that, didn't quite understand  _why_  it was, he just knew it was.    
  
He buried his face in the back of Tetsu's neck, taking in the scent. He nuzzled the sensitive skin there, savoring the feel of the soft black hair against his face. And when lips met lips, the kiss simply reinforced how it all felt, how it all seemed just… right.   
  
And then he felt the tremors and muscles clamp down as Tetsu came, and he heard his name called. Then he let himself go, shouting his friend's name into the shoulder under him as his own climax took him. Somewhere along the way, he wrapped his arms around Kotetsu and Tetsu wrapped his around Izumo's. They fell to their sides, Izumo curled tightly around Tetsu's back and he stayed there, still inside, still connected, neither willing to change that as they drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Izumo stared into the flames of the campfire, lost in memories and thought. His marshmallow melted and fell off of his stick again, the third so far. He was remembering a year before when he'd been in the very same campsite with Hayate, doing the very same thing.   
  
That time, they'd shared a log, sitting together. They'd lost just as many marshmallows, but that had been because they'd gotten lost kissing, not in memories of kisses instead.    
  
"Maybe this wasn't such a great idea," Kotetsu said to Kenji. Both of them had been watching Izumo drift further and further into his thoughts.   
  
Kenji shook his head. "I don't know. I think it might still work. We just need to help him think about now, not then."   
  
Kotetsu nodded. "Yeah, make new ones, maybe?"   
  
"Exactly," Kenji agreed, standing up and moving around the fire. He sat on the log next to Izumo and took the other man's stick, bumping into a shoulder. "So, if you're just looking for things to burn, there's plenty of wood."   
  
Izumo blushed. "Sorry. Maybe I should just go to bed…"   
  
"No." Kotetsu said, taking the small space on the other side of him, crowding Izumo into Kenji. "It's too early for that. We have a better idea."   
  
"And it starts with actually making and eating a s'more." Kenji chuckled, pulling another marshmallow out of the bag and pushing it onto the end of Izumo's stick.   
  
"Oh." Izumo frowned at his hand. "Oops."   
  
"Quite alright. Got a whole bag," he said, still chuckling. He guided Izumo's hand until he was holding the stick out and into the fire. They didn't say anything for a while as the treat heated, then got smashed between the graham crackers by Kotetsu.    
  
He handed the mess to Izumo. "Eat."   
  
"I'm not a baby," Izumo grumbled but obediently took a bite of the sweet treat. He moaned as the melted chocolate hit his tongue. "Good," he said, muffled by the food and the other two laughed.   
  
Kotetsu and Kenji's eyes met over Izumo's head and Kenji nodded as if to say "see?" Tetsu smirked. "So, I was thinking," he started while Izumo finished the food and started licking his fingers. He was momentarily derailed as he watched the tongue dart out and run slowly along one them. He happened to catch Kenji just as focused on what Izumo was doing. He gulped then shook his head to clear it. "I was thinking we should all get tats or something."   
  
"Hmm?" Izumo turned to his friend, his last finger still in his mouth.   
  
Tetsu stared at it a second then watched Izumo's eyes widen and pull the finger out quickly wiping it on his jeans with a blush. "Tattoos. Ink, you know. All three of us. Before we go our separate ways. Well,  _some_  of us," he said, sending a pointed look Kenji's way.   
  
Kenji looked a little chagrined. "Just think it's the best option for me. My parents make too much for financial aid, but not enough for college." He shrugged. "I don't plan to stay in forever."   
  
Izumo frowned. "When do you leave?"   
  
"I head to basic the week after graduation." Kenji said, kicking at a small stone.   
  
The other two sighed. "We'll miss you," Izumo said looking over.   
  
Kenji flashed a grin. "I know. You'll just have to write me, then, won't you? Just, you know, don't send any long flowery love letters."   
  
Both of the other two snorted.    
  
Kenji looked thoughtful, "Might not want to put anything Penthouse-worthy in there, either."   
  
They laughed. "Yeah, I guess you gotta be careful about that kind of thing, huh?" Tetsu asked.   
  
Kenji sighed. "Yeah. I really don't know how they deal with it, so I'll just keep my mouth shut and hope to hell I'm not attracted to anyone in my unit."   
  
"That could be… uncomfortable," Izumo said, thinking about gym class.   
  
Kenji snorted. "That's putting it lightly. Open showers, not even stalls. Open toilets in some places, or so I've heard… you get the idea."   
  
"Yeah. Ugh." Izumo shook his head. "I'm glad I'm not going. I don't know that I'd be cut out for it."    
  
Kenji poked his stick toward the fire. "You'd do it if you had to. You and Tetsu both. I'm glad you don't though. Even if we're not at war, there's too much chance something could happen."   
  
They three friends fell silent for a few moments, contemplating just what those chances could be. A year ago, they might have laughed some of that off. But a year ago, they had one more member of their group and they were two couples, not three friends.   
  
"So, ink," Tetsu said.   
  
"Yeah, I like it. What should we get?" Izumo asked.   
  
"Dragons," Kenji suggested. "He loved them."   
  
They didn't have to ask who the "he" was. "Yeah, he did. The Chinese style ones, like from the Chinese New Year," Izumo offered.   
  
"Oh yeah, I know those. Good idea. We'll have to find a good shop, but I think we should do that. Where?" Kenji asked.   
  
"Hmm. I want it on my back," Kotetsu said. "Something big."   
  
Izumo grinned. "Me, too."   
  
"I think I need to keep it small. Not sure what the rules are about that sort of thing. I know they can have them, but there might be restrictions on size and whatnot. But we should get the same thing."   
  
"Yeah, I like that." Kotetsu nodded.   
  
"Me, too," Izumo added. "We just have to get through finals and graduation itself. Ugh, too much work to do when we get back," he frowned.   
  
"Don't think about it. You've been working yourself crazy as it is." Kotetsu said. "This is a weekend off of it. All that damned extra credit you took on."   
  
"I had to do something," Izumo felt the need to defend himself. "My grades sucked. And at least you guys are helping me."   
  
"Wish we could do more," Kenji added.   
  
Izumo shrugged. "It could be worse. Look at it this way, the asshole has left us alone. I don't have trouble so much at school thinking about Yate anymore, either. I'm too busy to."   
  
"Oh God, I will  _never_  forget the asshole's face," Kotetsu started laughing.   
  
"It  _was_  priceless," Kenji said. "He's probably  _still_  trying to figure out the definition of besmirch. I'd bet he refuses to look it up, too.   
  
"You're assuming he can read a dictionary," Izumo said, chuckling.   
  
The first day back to school after that weekend had been very rough. Izumo tried not to think too much about it. The morning had gone fairly smoothly, his mother even leaving him coffee to get started. The jeep hadn't even bothered him all that much.   
  
But by the time they got to the school and he approached the lockers, he'd had the image of Hayate leaning on them, waiting for him flash into his head with crystal clarity and it had sucker-punched him. They had all taken lockers next to each other and Hayate's had been right next to Izumo's. He'd paused to stare a moment and nearly lost it in the hallway, except the asshole had spoken up. Oddly, Izumo had been a little grateful for it because he'd been able to channel his emotions into the fight instead. _  
  
"Awww, is the little fag missing his dead boyfriend?"_   
  
Oh no, he didn't.  _"What did you say?" Kotetsu asked, his voice low and dangerous. Kenji had stood up from his spot on the other side of Tetsu.  
  
Izumo took a deep breath and held up a hand. "Don't bother, he's not worth it. He doesn't have enough intelligence or feelings for it to bother him. I mean, think about it. If his girlfriend had been killed in a drive-by shooting, he'd just laugh and move on to the next air-headed, slutty cheerleader."  
  
He saw out of the corner of his eye as the asshole pulled his fist back and Izumo spun on the ball of his foot, bringing his hands up. "Go ahead. Please. Give me an excuse."  
  
They stood, neither moving, neither backing down for a moment. "I promise you that if you say one more thing like that, I _ will not _hesitate. I don't give a_ fuck _if we're a few weeks from graduation. I will_ not _stop them the next time." He stood up out of his stance and stalked toward the asshole, who was still stunned into silence. His voice dropped, just as low and dangerous as Tetsu's had been. He didn't notice the other two take up spots on either side of and slightly behind him, but the asshole did. "And I suggest that you reconsider speaking about my boyfriend ever again. I will not allow you to besmirch his memory in any way. In fact, I think, if I were you, that I would find it a good idea to stay on the other side of the school. Do we understand each other?"  
  
The asshole didn't say anything; his eyes darted from one of them to the next. Izumo raised an eyebrow expectantly. "Well?"  
  
Still not saying anything, he dropped his fist, turned on his heel and left. His steps were just a little too fast to be honestly casual, though he tried his best to not look like he was running. Izumo smirked. He'd failed miserably.  
  
Izumo turned back to the other two. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to face The Bitch." Izumo gave a big smile that didn't reach his eyes and picked up his bag from where he'd dropped it.   
  
Both Kotetsu and Kenji stared at him. "Remind me not to piss you off," Kotetsu said and Izumo actually chuckled.  
  
"You already knew that." He smirked. "Let's go."_   
  
He'd had gone to his teachers, then, to try to get extra credit so that he could do something reasonable with his grades. Most of them had been good and willing to help him. The Bitch lived up to her name, refusing to give him extra credit or anything to help try to improve them. He consoled himself with the fact that he wasn't majoring in math in college and didn't really  _need_  calculus, anyway.    
  
His physics, history, language and literature teachers were a lot more understanding and accommodating and, though he'd be very busy, his grades in those classes were still salvageable. The gym teacher simply told him not to worry about it, for which he was exceedingly grateful. He didn't relish the idea of running laps or something to try to make up for ignoring gym class.   
  
With the extra work, even with Kenji and Kotetsu's help, he'd spent the better part of the last few weeks exhausted, falling into bed and asleep almost before his head hit the pillow. On the few nights he didn't fall asleep right away, Tetsu made sure he wasn't able to think much at all then proceeded to wear him out that little bit more that he'd needed.   
  
"I miss him." Izumo said, quietly. They didn't ask who. "I feel almost like I've… I don't know, but it bugs me that I haven't had the time to think about him as much the last couple of weeks."   
  
"We all miss him," Kenji said, "but I think it's okay, that he would want you to worry about your grades and stuff more."   
  
"I know that - intellectually. It's easier to think than feel, though." Izumo picked up his stick and started poking into the soft ground with it.    
  
Kotetsu put his arm around Izumo. "Who knows a good ghost story?" Kotetsu asked.   
  
Izumo chuckled. "Thanks, Tetsu."   
  
They spent the evening making stories up, laughing and generally having a good time and Izumo found himself thoroughly enjoying himself. He still paused now and again to wish Hayate was there, but he realized he was starting, slowly, to let go more and more.   
  
They finally buried the fire and headed in to the tent to get sleep. Izumo had tried to bring a second one so that Kenji and Kotetsu could be alone, but they insisted they neither needed it nor wanted to. The tent they had was plenty big enough for the three of them - though that could have been argued, but they didn't really mind sleeping close. Either way, the second tent stayed at home and they shared the one they'd brought.   
  
In fact, once they'd gotten comfortable and were moving to settle into sleeping bags, both Kenji and Kotetsu had insisted that he lay between them. Izumo tried, once more, to argue, but they wouldn't listen, either of them. He would have sworn that they'd planned it.   
  
  
  
When Zumo woke the next morning, it was to find himself completely pinned. At first, he couldn't figure out why he was stuck quite as much as he was. Usually, Tetsu was wrapped around him from behind or something. But this time, it was more than that. Izumo was on his back and staring at the top of the tent.   
  
As consciousness slipped further in, he remembered where he was and glanced down to see not only Kotetsu sprawled over him, but also one of Kenji's arms and legs thrown over him, too. There was a black head on his left shoulder and a brown one on his right, Kenji's long hair trailing down over his arm which was, he realized, around the taller man. His other was around Kotetsu.   
  
He looked back at the ceiling of the tent trying to assimilate the idea of  _both_  of them curled up on him. Should he be disturbed? Or turned on?   
  
Turned on won out when he realized a certain part of his anatomy was pinned by someone's leg, thankfully still inside his boxers. He lifted his head and looked down again and saw that it was Kenji's leg on him. He let his head fall back and his gaze went back to the top of the tent. His hands started unconsciously playing with each of the others' hair and he let his mind go to the one person who was never far from his thoughts.   
  
What would Yate have thought about this? Well, if he were  _alive_ , he'd tell the other two to get their hands off of his boyfriend. After laughing at Zumo's predicament.    
  
But he's not alive and his breathing hitched again at the thought. He took a deep breath. He'd  _probably_  say  _now_  that Izumo should take advantage of it. He snorted. Can't do much when he's the one pinned.   
  
"He makes a very comfy body pillow," Kenji said, his face still buried in Zumo's chest.   
  
"Yes, he does." Kotetsu agreed. "He's all warm and shaped just right. And I get to sleep next to him every night."   
  
"Lucky," Kenji grumbled. "But at least I can be comfortable with him now."   
  
"Mmm." Kotetsu answered. "Just don't get too used to it. He goes home with me."   
  
"He has a name. And he's awake and listening, you know," Izumo said, to cover up his surprise at Tetsu's comment. That sounded awfully… possessive. Tetsu must not have realized what he said. "And you both have scratchy faces," he grumbled. "Get off."   
  
The other two laughed and looked up at him. "Body pillows don't talk," Kenji said, dropping a kiss on Izumo's cheek.    
  
"Yes, they should be silent," Kotetsu added, putting his own Zumo's other cheek. "Be a good pillow and stay put," he chuckled and started to settle back in but Izumo smacked him.   
  
"Nope. I'm getting up. Want coffee," he said, wiggling out from between them. "And my chest is itchy enough now. Later, maybe, when you've both shaved."   
  
They laughed again and the three of them started grabbing for shirts and jeans and climbing out of the tent. Izumo yawned and stumbled over to get the coffee pot and drop it onto the camp stove they'd brought. He didn't have enough patience to wait for a fire.   
  
"Addict," Kotetsu said, smacking his butt. Izumo glared without heat at his friend.   
  
"So, I guess you don't want any of this, then?" He asked pointedly.   
  
"Well, now…" Kotetsu hedged.   
  
Izumo snorted. "Exactly. Shut up and get the cups."   
  
  
  
Lunch was somewhat subdued. They'd ended up coming across the same trail that Izumo and Hayate had gotten lost on the year before. He'd spent a good five minutes staring at the area he was sure they'd stopped at for lunch and… other activities. It took both of them to get him going again.   
  
And now he was kicking himself for getting so upset about it. "I'm already getting tired of things like that," he said to the soda can he held.   
  
Kenji just shook his head. "Let it go, Zumo. It's not a big deal. We may not be going through quite what you are, but we understand, at least a little. He was important to us, too. I still have things that hit me wrong." He gave a half shrug.   
  
Izumo looked up at that. "Really?"   
  
"Yeah. We used to watch Next Gen a lot together. If I stumble across it in my channel surfing - especially  _All Good Things_ , I go a little crazy - have to flip past it really quickly. We must have watched that episode a dozen times." Kenji finished his sandwich and started gathering garbage.   
  
Izumo watched the lake ripple as a boat passed. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"   
  
"Of course you didn't. And you don't have to," Tetsu said. "Really, Zumo. We're fine with this. Okay?"   
  
Izumo looked from one face to the other and was grateful when all he saw was understanding and sympathy. "Okay. I'm… going to take a short walk." He stood up and brushed himself off, then wandered down to the water's edge.   
  
"Need to bring him out of that," Kenji said, nodding toward Izumo.   
  
"Well, I know of one absolutely sure way of doing that." Kotetsu grinned.   
  
Kenji raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? You think he'd want to?" Kenji turned to watch Izumo walk along the beach.   
  
Kotetsu shrugged. "At worst he says no. But I figure if we pull out that bottle we brought along…"   
  
Kenji laughed. "That would probably do it." He paused to watch Izumo pick up a rock. "I don't want him to regret it, though, get pissed at me. Especially with me leaving in a couple of weeks."   
  
Kotetsu shook his head. "He won't. Probably welcome the chance to stop thinking."   
  
"If you're sure…" he chuckled. "I wonder if we can get him to talk. I'd love to hear this infamous talent he has with words."   
  
"Oh, I bet you could. And he  _is_  talented." Kotetsu's eyes unfocused for a moment as he got lost in a memory of that very talent.   
  
"So both you and Hayate have said. He told me about one night when he couldn't be over at your place. They spent the whole damned night on the phone. I didn't believe him when he told me just… how much he did."   
  
"I heard that call. I was on the bottom bunk and Zumo was up on his. He didn't bother trying to keep quiet. If I hadn't been so turned on, I would have been pissed for being stuck listening to it." He snorted, "But I was and I took care of it." He shook his head, looking over to meet Kenji's gaze and smirked. "Three times."   
  
"Bullshit." Kenji said, mouth dropping. "And where was I?"   
  
"We'd just talked about not really being boyfriends then." Kotetsu said, looking down into his can.   
  
"Oh. Sorry." Kenji said, upending his own drink and emptying it.    
  
"Nah. Nothing to be sorry for. Just… Anyway, we'll find a way to get him to do it for you." Kotetsu chuckled.   
  
"You are one lucky bastard," Kenji said, shaking his head.   
  
Kotetsu shrugged. "I suppose. I'd be luckier if we were boyfriends or something. Most of the time, he just comes to me to forget."   
  
"Ouch." Kenji said.   
  
Tetsu shrugged again. "Nah, not really. He's my best friend. I don't love him, so it's not like it hurts. And hell, I'm not complaining, am I?"   
  
Kenji snickered. "No, guess not. No wonder you haven't asked me, lately."   
  
"Hey, I'm sorry. You should have said something," Tetsu said, raising an eyebrow.   
  
Kenji held his hands up. "No big deal. We haven't exactly had a lot of opportunity with him kind of… you know, waking up. But…" He paused and shrugged, "Well, anyway, I  _wouldn't_  mind getting together a least a couple of times before I leave." He said with a grin.   
  
Kotetsu nodded, his grin matching Kenji's. "Of course."   
  
They both turned and their smiles dropped as they watched Izumo skip rocks across the surface of the water. "He'll be okay," Kenji said.   
  
"Yeah. He's already getting there. Some stuff is always going to bother him. But…" Tetsu trailed off with a half-shrug.   
  
"Right." Kenji took a deep breath. "Well, let's swim. I'm already hot," he said, standing up and toeing his shoes off.   
  
"Yeah, you are," Kotetsu said, chuckling.   
  
"Aw, dear, you're just too sweet." Kenji laughed at Tetsu's snort then dropped his jeans, showing off his swimsuit.   
  
"Holy hell, Kenji, could you leave a  _little_  to the imagination?" Kotetsu asked, eyeing the Speedo with a raised eyebrow.   
  
Kenji gave a mock flex and laughed even harder. "Jealous?"   
  
Kotetsu snorted, but let his eyes travel over his friend's body anyway. "Hardly," he said, dropping his own jeans.    
  
Kenji raised his own eyebrow, causing Tetsu to grin even wider. "Hello pot, my name's kettle." He held out a hand.   
  
Kotetsu just punched him in the shoulder with a laugh and took off for the water. Kenji followed and they both made sure to splash Izumo on their way by. Zumo sputtered, drenched in his clothes and started stripping. "Bastards! I am  _so_  getting you two!" He shouted, struggling out of his wet jeans. Once he was down to his swim trunks, he took off after them.


	8. Chapter 8

An afternoon of swimming, dunking, splashing and otherwise horsing around seemed to clear the last of the sadness from Izumo. He felt a lot better as they made their way back to camp for their hot dogs and chips.   
  
"Mom would kill us if she knew this was all we were eating this weekend," Kotetsu said around his own hot dog.   
  
Izumo laughed. "Who do you think packed the cooler?"   
  
"Really?" Tetsu asked, raising an eyebrow.   
  
"Yup. She knows better. Can either of you do any real cooking? Especially over a campfire or on a camp stove?" When neither of them said anything, he laughed again. "See? I'm lucky I can make the coffee."   
  
"And we're very grateful, O Addicted One," Kenji laughed.   
  
"You know, for giving me shit for being addicted, you're both awfully grouchy when you don't get any," he said, shaking his head. He realized what he said or, in this case, didn't, when he got snorts in reply to that. "Coffee. Geez. Pervs." That just got him snickers that morphed into full laughs.   
  
They cleaned up dinner and were settling in for more ghost stories when Kenji came out of the tent with a bottle. "So," he started, holding up the rum, "I figure we could have some fun with this tonight."   
  
"Mmm. Sounds good to me," Izumo said, grabbing the camp cups and pouring a generous amount, before passing it on. Kotetsu did the same and they watched Kenji pour his before capping it and setting it aside. "So, what kind of fun?"   
  
Kotetsu paused and considered the other two before he took his own drink. "Hmm. How about truth or dare?"   
  
"Seriously?" Kenji asked, taking a drink out of his own cup.   
  
"Why not?" Kotetsu asked, sipping the liquor.   
  
"Well, we know most everything about each other already." Kenji shrugged.   
  
"Does that mean you're afraid of the dares?" Izumo challenged.   
  
"Oh, you didn't just ask me that," Kenji countered.   
  
Izumo snickered. "I did. I think you're afraid of them."   
  
"Oh it's on, bitch!" Kenji said, taking a drink out of his cup and the other two laughed.   
  
"Well, there  _are_  a couple of things  _I_  don't know," Izumo said, taking his sip.   
  
"Like what?" Kenji asked with a raised eyebrow.   
  
Izumo shook his head. "Nope, you have to tell me if you want truth or a dare first."   
  
Kenji rolled his eyes. "And if I don't want to answer the truth question? I get a dare, right?"   
  
"Duh," Kotetsu said, snickering.   
  
"Oh for… fine. Truth." Kenji said, turning back to Zumo.   
  
"Okay. Who else have you fucked besides Tetsu?" Izumo asked, shifting a little on his log and grinning.   
  
Kenji hesitated then apparently made his decision. "One person." He paused briefly then said, "Yate."   
  
Izumo's eyes widened. "You were… holy shit, well…" he shook his head. "Way to keep it all in our little group," he muttered.   
  
"What's that?" Kenji asked.   
  
Izumo smiled. "You were the only other one for him."   
  
"Well," Kenji said, snickering. "Guess we know we're clean. Okay, Tetsu, your turn."   
  
Kotetsu grinned, recognizing the attempt to steer things away from Hayate. "Dare."   
  
Kenji's grin was devious. "You are too easy sometimes, Tetsu." Kotetsu didn't bother commenting. He just raised an eyebrow and waited. Kenji paused to think it over then glanced around. "Damn, we're just a little too open here. Go ahead and kiss Zumo. I'll keep it simple for the first one."   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu both rolled their eyes. "Not much of a dare," Kotetsu grumbled but took his spot on the log next to Izumo. They turned to each other and lips met lips. He'd meant to keep it light and get back to the game, but as it always seemed to happen with each other, their eyes closed, hands came up to cup cheeks and before they knew it, their tongues were sliding in to taste more thoroughly. The kiss deepened and they got lost in each other for a while. Air finally demanded attention and they broke apart, eyes meeting in stunned silence.   
  
"Ahem," Kenji cleared his throat, pulling them back. "Not much of a dare? I think the dare was more of a challenge to get you to stop." He snorted when Kotetsu flipped him the bird. Tetsu turned and dropped another kiss on Izumo before moving back to his log.   
  
"So, Zumo…"   
  
"Dare. No truth you guys could possibly ask me." Izumo took a long drink of his rum, coughing a little. "Good… stuff…" he managed and they laughed.   
  
"Lightweight." Kotetsu grinned.   
  
Izumo rolled his eyes. "And how much drinking have you done? Oh, wait, the same amount I have. It sucks that you can hold it better." He pouted then shook his head. "Now, you going to dare me or just keep poking at me about the rum?"   
  
"Yeah, yeah." He stopped to take his own drink. "You know, I think our friend over there is the only one who hasn't gotten to hear that talent of yours with words. "   
  
Izumo glanced over at Kenji who was grinning. "Hmmm." Izumo took another sip of his rum then his own grin spread as he moved over to Kenji's log, straddling it and sitting next to him. He reached up, pushing the long brown hair back letting his fingers dance over the skin of Kenji's neck then leaned in. "You want to hear my… talent for words as you two put it?" Izumo asked his breath ghosting over the shell of Kenji's ear.   
  
Kenji simply nodded, saying nothing. There were already goose bumps forming.   
  
"Mmm. Okay, let's see…" Izumo paused to think it through. "Maybe you'd like to hear how sexy I think you are. How much I'd love to  _fuck_  you. I've wondered just how good your cock would taste, and how that cock would feel sliding in and out of my mouth. I'd suck on you until you come, filling my mouth with it." He paused briefly, then, "Or maybe I won't let you get that far. Get that thick cock of yours nice and hard and leaking, then let you  _fuck_  me with it, fill my ass and  _fuck_  me _hard_ . So hard, I shoot my own cum, screaming while you pound me with your hard dick until  _you_  come."   
  
"Holy fuck, they weren't kidding," Kenji whimpered.   
  
Izumo grinned and dropped a kiss on Kenji's cheek before standing to go back to his own log. He did have to adjust himself; it always turned him on just as much to do the talking. "Ahem. Right. Kenji?"   
  
Kenji shook his head hard and took another drink from his cup, coughing like Zumo did. "Yeah, um…" he shook his head again, "truth."   
  
Izumo sighed. "Wimp. Okay…" he paused to think it over. "You prefer top or bottom?"   
  
Kenji blinked at him then looked over at Tetsu and stared for a moment, undoubtedly wondering why he didn't know the answer to the question. He seemed to remember he hadn't spoken and finally answered. "Um, top. All we've-" he motioned toward Tetsu-"ever done. I've only ever bottomed once. And it was okay, but…" he trailed off and shrugged. "Maybe because it was the first time? I don't know. Not that I have anything  _against_  it, you know, I just…" he shrugged again, trailing off.   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu were busy staring at each other right then. Seemed like a silly thing to be glad for but he found himself glad that he was Tetsu's first bottom. He shook the thought away. "So, Tetsu…" Izumo said, trying to steer things back.   
  
"Right, um… truth." He chuckled. "I think the challenge here is finding something to ask."   
  
Kenji snorted. "Have you topped yet?" He raised an eyebrow.   
  
"Yeah," Tetsu said, his eyes darting to Izumo. "And I figure you've already figured that out."   
  
Kenji shrugged. "Don't mind getting it confirmed. Zumo?"   
  
"Truth. I figure this should even things out and get rid of any remaining questions." He had a feeling he knew what he'd be asked.   
  
The other two snickered. "Okay. Did you ever bottom to Yate?" Kotetsu asked. They hadn't actually talked much about their times with the other two. Izumo had shied away from it, though he never quite understood why. And Tetsu just didn't go out of his way to talk about him and Kenji at all.   
  
Izumo swallowed and looked down into his cup. He'd been right, but he still wasn't quite sure he was ready for it. "No." He glanced up then and found Tetsu staring at him. Well, hadn't this been enlightening? They continued to look at each other a moment as that answer sunk in. Firsts for both of them. They'd been each other's first both with sex in general, then added to that, they'd been each other's first tops and first bottoms. Well, hell, that was something to Izumo and he just couldn't seem to work out right then why that was so important to him. He just knew it was.   
  
Kenji cleared his throat and they both looked over at him. "I believe it's my turn and I think Zumo was right. We've pretty well exhausted any outstanding questions. So, I'll go with dare."   
  
Izumo took another sip of his rum, then set his cup down and looked over at his friend. "Well, then, I haven't had the chance to experience those lips that Tetsu says are so talented. How about a kiss?"   
  
Kenji chuckled, standing up and moving over to Izumo. Izumo turned to face him when Kenji sat next to him on his log. "Just a kiss?" He asked and Izumo nodded. "Not much of a dare, I guess."   
  
"Hmm. You're right." Izumo assumed a thoughtful expression. "Let's see… I dare you… to make me forget where we are… with just a kiss."   
  
Kenji's grin widened. "Oh, I can do that," he whispered. His hand cupped the back of Izumo's head, fingers threading through the russet hair. He pulled him close and paused just a breath away from Zumo's lips. He hung there and Izumo found himself having trouble breathing. Kenji closed the distance, just barely brushing his lips across the other man's. Then slowly, incredibly slowly, he pressed them against Izumo's. They barely moved, but there was the tiniest of nibbles before his tongue traced a line along the seam of the other man's mouth. Izumo didn't even consider not opening to his friend and his lips parted, allowing Kenji access.   
  
Tongues touched tentatively then Kenji's slid along Izumo's stealing the last of Izumo's breath and sanity. Kenji's other arm came around him and pulled him in against the other man's hard chest. He felt the arousal against his own and a quiet moan came out. Lips moved, tongues slid and breath was forgotten completely.   
  
Kenji pulled back, their lips parting and a tiny line of saliva stretched between them. Hazel eyes met brown and held. "Do I pass?" Kenji whispered.   
  
"Hmm?" Izumo asked.   
  
Kenji's lips spread in a grin. "The dare?"   
  
Izumo blinked. "Yeah, I'd say so," he managed then swallowed around his dry throat.   
  
"I agree," Kotetsu said from next to them and neither had noticed him move. He was sitting on ground right by them his hand rubbing at the outside of his pants, the fire having burned low and casting him into silhouette. "That was hot," he whispered and leaned up toward Izumo. "Do I get one?"   
  
"Mmmm," Zumo replied, leaning in to his best friend. Their lips met and Izumo was reminded of that fluttery feeling again. Kenji was good with his lips, Tetsu had been right about that, but there was always something else with Tetsu that he could never quite put his finger on. He shoved the thought aside and put his energy into kissing his friend.   
  
They broke apart and Izumo watched as Kenji and Kotetsu kissed, too and he found himself getting even more turned on. "You know, maybe we should finish this in the tent," he said in a low voice.   
  
The other two pulled back and glanced over at him. Kotetsu nodded and stood up. Without a word, they worked quickly to put the campfire out and clean up the few things that they'd left out. Then they were crawling into the tent and pulled shoes off in silence before settling in on their sleeping bags.   
  
"Do we bother with the truth or dare?" Kenji asked Izumo who shook his head. They looked over at Kotetsu who smiled.   
  
"I could have skipped the game in the first place." This was answered with snorts then a look passed between Tetsu and Kenji and they both leaned in to Izumo at the same time.   
  
"Mmph!" Izumo managed, then his eyes slid closed and his hands moved over the other two as their lips went about teasing and nibbling. He felt one set on his neck, the other on one ear and he was only able to distinguish because of which side they were on. Kotetsu's hand dove under his shirt without preamble and found a nipple to tease. Izumo moaned low in his throat and his hands tightened in the others' hair.   
  
The sharp pull brought sounds from both of the other two and Izumo had enough sanity to realize that Kenji apparently liked a bit of pain, too. Then the sanity disappeared when his shirt was tugged over his head and tossed aside and two sets of lips moved down over his chest, each one teasing a nipple. "Fuck," he said softly and both of the others chuckled.   
  
"You know that word still gets to me when it comes from you, right?" Tetsu asked in Zumo's ear.   
  
"Really?" Izumo turned to his friend and didn't let him answer. "I'd fucking hate to disappoint you then," he said with a smirk at the groan from Tetsu before their lips met in another kiss designed to reduce brain power. He tugged on Tetsu's hair, earning more sounds from his friend's throat as he nipped then sucked on the tongue currently sliding along his own.   
  
Kenji chose that moment to bite down gently on Zumo's nipple and the shorter man turned his attention back to Kenji. "Want something?" He asked, tugging on Kenji's hair this time. Kenji sat up a little more and they took their turn kissing and tasting.   
  
Izumo felt hands on his cock outside of his jeans and he moaned into Kenji's mouth wanting and needed more. His hips moved a little and then he was pushed over onto his back. A minute later, Kenji and Kotetsu had him stripped completely.   
  
They moved over his body, tasting, touching and tormenting every inch of skin they could find with their lips. Everything  _except_ his cock and no matter how much he begged with wordless sounds, they wouldn't give in. They avoided it, to the point that he was damned near desperately shouting and still they wouldn't give in. Instead, they had him roll over and started in on his back.   
  
He knew they had to be just as crazy, just as aroused. He could feel their own hard dicks against his legs or hips even through their jeans. But still they refused. He pulled on their hair or gripped their skin, digging his nails in, his sounds nearly constant. "Fuck, goddammit!" He groaned finally, forcing  _something_  through his lips.   
  
"Want something?" Kenji asked, his grin devilish.   
  
"You fucking know I do," Izumo complained. He rolled back onto his back, his cock straining, fucking at the air. They had his hands pinned over his head, nipping again at his sensitive neck. He let loose another loud moan.   
  
"Mmm, well… I suppose we could do  _something_  about that…" he whispered into Izumo's ear his hand slowly trailing along over-sensitive skin. Kenji's fingers ghosted over Izumo's red and nearly painful erection, before settling down to cup his balls instead.   
  
"Oh fuck, more, please…" he gave up and simply begged.   
  
"I think we can give him a little something," Tetsu said, pulling the pillow toward his friend. Izumo blinked at him, but grabbed it, then his hand finally,  _finally_  wrapped around the hard flesh.   
  
"OH FUCK!" Izumo shouted into the pillow, trying to pump into the hand around him, but Kotetsu refused to give him any more. He released the tension in his arm, his hand moving  _with_  Zumo's dick rather than against it, leaving him frictionless.   
  
"Just feel, Zumo, just let us do this for you," Tetsu whispered into his ear. Izumo stared at the top of the tent, working to calm himself down just a little bit. He managed a nod then felt Kotetsu move.   
  
The next thing he felt was a mouth on his cock. He bit hard on the pillow, muffling his scream. They held his hips down and he did his best to keep from bucking, but it was nearly impossible. He pulled the pillow aside to look down and saw that it was Tetsu's mouth on his cock. Then his legs were moved and he felt a tongue on his balls and he went back to biting the pillow again.   
  
Kenji worked his balls over, licking over every bit of each one and taking his time with it. Then he teased the skin behind Izumo's sac, making lazy circles with his tongue. Finally, he went back to Zumo's balls, sucking one at a time into his mouth. Izumo's moans got louder.   
  
Tetsu, at the same time, was going slow enough on his cock to keep him from really getting anywhere. He traced the veins, made circles under the ridge, explored the slit then swirled around the head with his tongue. All of it was torment, all of it was just a tease, not enough to get him anywhere and he was really having trouble simply thinking. Finally, he moved his mouth down to cover the whole thing, closing it around, sealing his lips and sucking.   
  
"Oh God, oh fuck, oh yes." Izumo had no idea what he was saying; it spilled from his lips in a rush, his body trying to process the sensations that were flying through him one after the other.   
  
And then they were gone, both mouths having disappeared and he choked on air as he tried to figure out what was going on. He moved the pillow and looked up to see the other two stripping their shirts off and he decided he wanted to do more than just lay there. He sat up and pulled at the button of Tetsu's jeans with one hand, nipped at Kenji's skin, biting down hard enough to leave marks and worked the other's pants with his other hand.   
  
"Naked… now…" he said between bites. Kenji captured his lips, moving his hand aside and taking care of them for him. He gave his other hand to Tetsu's jeans, but it too was moved aside while they were tugged off. Kenji sat back long enough to divest himself of the last of his clothes and Izumo shifted to Tetsu during the short break. He bent to his best friend and pulled a bit of the skin at his neck into his mouth and bit down. He sucked hard then bit harder, breaking the skin and licked at the blood that welled.   
  
"Oh fuck, Zumo," Kotetsu groaned, pulling him in and squeezing one ass cheek in his hand.   
  
Izumo reached up and tugged on Kenji's hair, switching to his neck and giving it the same attention. More bites, more broken skin and then Kenji gave a loud groan as well and they moved in closer together, things turning just a little chaotic for the moment. Hands touched, squeezed, cupped and stroked, lips met and pulled apart, teeth bit and it was difficult to distinguish where one person ended and the next began.   
  
Finally, Izumo pushed Kenji back, straddled one leg and paused to whisper, "Remember when I told you I wanted to know what it was like to taste your cock? Feel it slide between my lips?" A whimper and a nod were the only answer and Izumo continued. "That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take this-" he ground his dick against Kenji's, "Thick cock and slide it into my mouth and suck on it. You're going to want to come so badly…" he paused to lick at the ear next to him, "but not yet. I won't let you just yet. I want you inside me. I want to feel you  _fuck_ me." He drew out the "f" word and was rewarded with another whimper and Kenji bucking up against him again, their arousals rubbing. They took a minute, grinding against each other, savoring the feel of the slide of skin against skin.   
  
Finally, he moved down Kenji's body and felt Tetsu touching his own ass as he did so. When he bent to taste Kenji's cock, he felt his cheeks spread a little and… Tetsu's tongue touching his ass! "Oh fuck, Tetsu!" He started to rock his hips against the tongue; his head dropping but his friend held him still and smacked his ass once.   
  
"Don't forget Kenji," Tetsu said then went back to what he was doing.   
  
Izumo had to force his attention back to their friend, but the tongue on his anus was distracting. It felt so  _good._  Kotetsu was running it slowly in circles, teasing the muscle then pushing gently on it. He concentrated on taking Kenji's cock into his mouth, licking on it like he'd said he would, then swallowing it slowly inch by inch. He felt the hands in his hair and then the tongue at his ass again and he moaned around the flesh in his mouth.   
  
"Oh fuck, Zumo. Yes…" Kenji hissed, his hands tightening.   
  
He moved slowly off of Kenji's dick, then back down again, taking his time and giving his friend just a tiny example of the torment they'd put him through earlier. His own cock was still rock hard and leaking pre-cum in a steady stream. He wanted desperately to be inside one of them, but he could be patient. He wanted to - had to- because he had no idea if they'd ever get a chance like this again.   
  
The words he'd given Kenji came back to him and he worked at his friend's dick, sucking slowly until he swallowed him completely. He heard a loud grunt and his hair was pulled gently again. "God, Zumo, yes," Kenji's voice floated down to him and he started moving his mouth faster, taking all of him then pulling almost all the way off and back again, full long strokes with his lips and tongue. "Oh God, please… Zumo, please…" Kenji nearly begged and Izumo glanced up to see the hazel eyes looking almost desperate. He sucked harder then and caught out of the corner of his eye when Kenji grabbed the pillow and nearly screamed into it. He felt the cock in his mouth jump and pulled back, watching Kenji buck into the air for more.   
  
He waited and when his friend calmed down, whimpers loud, he took him back working again with his tongue and lips to drive his friend even crazier. "Zumo… I'm… fuck Zumo going to…" He said, his hand holding at Izumo's head, trying to encourage him to go a little faster a little deeper a little  _anything_  to push him over the edge.   
  
But a moment later, Tetsu's tongue pushed further in than it had before and Izumo moaned again around Kenji's hard length. Kenji bucked up into his mouth and started pumping. Izumo pulled off and looked over his shoulder at Tetsu. "Stop, dear God, that feels too good."   
  
Kotetsu backed off and nipped at Zumo's ass cheeks a couple of times. Izumo sat up and looked around the tent. At the same time, Kenji rolled and grabbed his backpack, opening it to retrieve a bottle. "Need this?" He asked, leaning in for another kiss and not letting Izumo respond.   
  
Izumo took the bottle and opened it, but instead of covering his own cock, he coated Kenji's instead. He felt Tetsu against his hip, his friend's mouth back on his neck as he worked, hands stroking his own erection and he moaned into Kenji's mouth. He pulled back from Kenji, turned to Tetsu and kissed him in a brief and hard kiss then shifted so that he was bent over in front of tallest of them.   
  
He pushed Tetsu back, looking up into the slanted eyes once before swallowing his friends cock at the same time he felt Kenji pushing  _very slowly_ into him. He pulled back a moment to let out a loud "Oh  _fuck_ ," when he was finally filled. He heard a moan from Tetsu and felt Kenji's hands flex on his hips.   
  
"God, Zumo, you feel good," Kenji groaned before he slowly pulled out. When he pushed in again, he brushed against Izumo's prostate, dragging another loud groan from him, this one around Tetsu's cock, causing Kotetsu to add even louder moans to the sound in the tent.   
  
The sounds devolved into loud wordless grunts and moans, pleas and groans as Kenji thrust into Izumo and Zumo sucked on his best friend. Izumo had to try hard to concentrate, Kenji was unerringly hitting his prostate over and over and he was nearly insane from it. He forced his attention to his best friend's cock, working to give everything he could to Tetsu while Kenji filled his ass over and over. When he sucked hard at Tetsu's cock, Tetsu's hands held Izumo's head and he started pumping up into the hot mouth surrounding him.   
  
"Oh God… Going to… not yet…" Kotetsu warned and Izumo pulled back. He reached behind him and put a hand on Kenji's hip and the other man pushed once more into Izumo, holding there as they worked to get their breath and calm down a little. He eased back out of Izumo and Zumo reached again for the bottle. He coated Kenji's cock again, and then reached down to Tetsu's ass, pushing two fingers into him in cursory preparation.   
  
With a look from Izumo, Kenji lay down and Tetsu straddled him, easing himself down onto Kenji's cock. "Oh fuck that's good, God, Tetsu…" Kenji moaned. Kotetsu was too busy to form words. His eyes were closed, head thrown back as he pushed himself all the way down. He braced himself on Kenji's thighs and started riding his friend.   
  
Izumo turned next and positioned himself over Kenji's mouth. Kenji pulled him down so that he swallowed Zumo's cock and it dragged another loud curse from the shorter man. He started pumping into Kenji's mouth, nearly lost to the moist heat and leaned forward capturing Tetsu's. He felt Kenji's fingers at his ass and a few seconds later the rough pad of a fingertip was brushing his prostate again, yanking a loud groan from him.   
  
Kotetsu had wrapped his hand around his cock, but Izumo had just enough brain power to move it aside and take it in his own, wanting,  _needing_  to give pleasure, too. He stroked his friend, their tongues battling, Tetsu riding Kenji, Kenji sucking and fingering him. None of them could resist that kind of sensory overload.   
  
Izumo went first, his shout of their names, liberally laced with fucks and goddamns caught by Tetsu's mouth. His hand tightened on Tetsu's cock and stroked a little harder and it sent Tetsu over the edge, a matching shout being poured into Izumo's kiss. Izumo felt the warm cum on his hand and chest and it spawned an aftershock in his own body. A few seconds later, Kenji turned his face and bit down on Izumo's inner thigh to muffle his own sounds as his orgasm crashed through him. He surged up into Tetsu lifting him nearly off of the sleeping bags and poured is cum into the other man.   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu's heads fell forward and they rested their foreheads on each other's shoulders. Kenji had taken a hand of each of them and they stayed that way a moment, trying to calm down, trying to remember how to simply breathe. Izumo dropped kisses along Tetsu's neck then lifted Kenji's hand and added a few there, too. Kenji squeezed his hand and brought it up to kiss Izumo's in return.   
  
Finally, they separated themselves enough to stretch out and Izumo found himself once more between the other two. Kotetsu dug his boxers up from the bottom of the tent and they cleaned themselves up. Without a word, the sleeping bags were rearranged so that they all simply curled up together. Nothing was said, nothing was needed. They settled in, Kotetsu tight up against Izumo's back and Kenji curled into Zumo's front, their legs all tangled together. It took very little time for them all to fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

It took every bit of the next couple of weeks between the camping trip and the date Kenji was leaving for the three of them to scrape up enough money for their ink. They'd mowed lawns, painted, cleaned, and even babysat as the more above board ways of making money. All of this was, of course, around studying for finals.   
  
As such, there was no more time for anything like there'd been on the camping trip. All three of them were more than a little disappointed by that fact, but they all agreed that getting the ink as a way to remember Hayate was more important. And, after doing their initial searching and checking, found a decent shop to have it done in. But it would cost.   
  
When they came up short of the money they'd need, there was heated discussion over how to get the rest of it. Tetsu had surprised the other two by offering something that both Kenji and Izumo had nearly beaten him to a pulp for even suggesting. "NO. You are  _not_  her," Izumo said for what felt like the fiftieth time.   
  
"I know that. But…" Kotetsu started.   
  
"No. Just drop it. There's got to be another way," Kenji said, glaring at his friend.   
  
Kotetsu sighed but was actually rather grateful that they'd argued so vehemently with him. Especially Zumo, though he didn't want to examine the whys of that too closely. "What about pool?"   
  
Kenji raised an eyebrow at him. "Pool?"   
  
Kotetsu snorted. "Yes, Mr. Spock, pool. I know a few places that won't look at us twice if we go in. I did learn a few useful skills on that side of town."   
  
Kenji laughed at the Spock comment. "How do we know we'll win?"   
  
Izumo was the one that chuckled at this. "You haven't seen him play, have you?"   
  
Kenji shook his head. "Nope."   
  
"Well, it's a gamble," Kotetsu said, "but I bet we could pull it off."   
  
"I'd rather that than your other suggestion," Izumo grumbled.   
  
"We're not going to get arrested for this, are we? I don't think I'd be very welcome in the military if I did…" Kenji asked.   
  
"No. And you don't actually have to go. In fact, it might be better if you don't take that chance, anyway. Zumo and I will be enough for what we have to do," Kotetsu answered.   
  
Kenji frowned. "I don't like sending you guys to do this for us."   
  
"We're not going to let you risk something like your military career - and subsequent college money - over this." Izumo reasoned. "We'll drop you at home."   
  
Kenji sighed, but nodded. "Okay. Just… call me first if anything happens?"   
  
"Deal," Kotetsu agreed.   
  
Kotetsu remembered the Pussycat Club well from his days as a kid trailing behind his mo -- Ama. If she wasn't still firmly in jail - and Kotetsu checked on that regularly - he wouldn't have gone near the place. As it was, he was fairly certain he was old enough and looked different enough to not raise any eyebrows when they walked in - or give anyone enough information to take back to her if they still talk to her.   
  
It was the furthest thing from a club Monoshizukanohi had. It was a dive bar at best and a front for the mob at worst. Kotetsu wasn't even positive Monoshizukanohi  _had_ mob ties, but he'd bet that they had something close just like every other major city in the world.   
  
The proprietor of the club, Ito Mitsuo, was an ugly man with too many scars who had loose connections to these groups. His back rooms were famous among the kind of men Ama used to run with for completing deals the likes of which the Prime Minister and his chief of police might have been very interested in. Interested in shutting down, that is. He remembered as a kid seeing more than one gun go in and out of those rooms along with any number of suspicious looking packages. He'd always kept his mouth shut, watched the guys playing pool and darts and tried to remain inconspicuous.   
  
When they stepped through the door, Kotetsu gave himself a moment for his eyes to adjust to the low light and smoky haze. Dark wood walls, a long scratched-up bar along one side, booths across the back and a smattering of tables through the middle made up most of the room. There were the four pool tables near the booths in the back, an ancient television behind the bar with the volume turned low showing a baseball game and a jukebox in the corner, currently silent.   
  
Mitsuo wasn't in that night, which surprised Kotetsu. The man was rarely absent from one of the corner booths, but it was better for them that he wasn't there. He was tolerant of kids in his bar, rarely bothered checking ID and most of the time the bartender ignored the dates on the plastic cards anyway if there was extra money left when paying for drinks. But they didn't want to raise eyebrows, especially with what they had planned.   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu slowly approached the bar. The bartender on duty looked them over and raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Kotetsu ordered the piss-water that passed as basic draft beer and paid with a little too much money. The burly man who undoubtedly doubled as a bouncer considered the bills in his palms and filled the order, never once speaking. Kotetsu wondered if he  _could_  talk.   
  
Kotetsu watched the pool tables for a while, evaluating his marks. The two closest to them had real sharks playing and he discounted them immediately. The third table was a possibility, but the main player seemed a little too good and Kotetsu didn't want to risk them actually losing any money in case he couldn't work around the tables or cues well enough.   
  
When he turned his attention to the fourth table, however, Kotetsu knew which one he'd be working. The current player was a short-ish balding man who had a swagger as he moved around the table choosing shots that were more complicated than they needed to be. He was okay but not great with his game and bragged to the other player just a little too much. Perfect.   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged a look and approached the table. Tetsu stood back for a few moments, watching and waiting for the current game to end. The braggart's opponent decided he'd had enough and was just trying to wiggle out of another game when Kotetsu spoke up. "I'll play ya."   
  
The bald man turned and eyed him. Obviously thinking Kotetsu was easy money, he smiled and Kotetsu had to force himself to breathe. The man opposite him had the same smile and horrible rotted teeth as the john his mother had tried to sell him to. He shook himself mentally. "Okay, I'll take ya on," Bad Teeth said and waved toward the table. "Wanna break?"   
  
"Nah, I'm not very good at it. Why don't you?" Kotetsu suggested, stepping to one end to rack the balls.   
  
"K. Ya play fer cash?" The guy asked.   
  
Kotetsu wanted to roll his eyes. Why else does someone play in a bar like this? "Sure, I think I can do that." He pulled a roll of money out of his pocket and caught the look the other guy gave him when he saw it. "Uh, how much?"   
  
"Let's start easy, say… ten?" He smiled again and Kotetsu suppressed the shudder.   
  
"Well, okay," Kotetsu hedged. "I think I can do that." He peeled a bill off the roll, which was made up of mostly fakes - Tetsu was no fool- and stuffed it back into his pocket. They anchored the cash under an ashtray and Bad Teeth picked up his cue. Tetsu finished racking the balls and stepped over to the wall to choose one for himself.   
  
He watched the other guy break and sink two solids. He called his shots and made the next three. Kotetsu watched carefully, learning the guy's moves and preferences. Finally, it was his turn. He sank the first one but deliberately missed the second, looking sheepishly at his opponent. "Sorry, been a little bit."   
  
"Nah, no worries," the guy said, looking over the table. "Hey, ya gotta name, kid?"   
  
Kotetsu raised his eyebrow at the 'kid' comment, but said, "Yate."   
  
"Nice ta meet ya, Yate. I'm Momuro, but they usually just call me Mo." He held out his hand and Kotetsu swallowed the bile at the tattoos all over the hand and portion of arm that showed when his sleeve raised. He shook the offered hand putting a bit of a tremor into it, most of that fake. "Yer friend gotta name? Or do he talk a'tall?"   
  
"Oh? Him? Not much. Yuki. But we call 'im 'Yu." Mo waved at Izumo, who waved back and took another sip of his beer.   
  
Mo turned back to the table and cleaned the solids on his next turn. He missed the eight ball, but didn't, at least, put it in the wrong pocket. Tetsu cleared a few of his before deliberately missing again and handing the game to Mo.   
  
Mo grinned his rotted toothy smile and 'talked' Kotetsu into another game. Tetsu steered this one, bought Mo another beer and lost again, though he 'improved' slightly over the last game. "Guess it's coming back to me," he said, with a chuckle.   
  
Mo still had plenty of confidence and Kotetsu's money - and another free beer to boot - so he just laughed. "S'okay there Yate. Couple more, ya might just win it back."   
  
He slapped Kotetsu on the shoulder and it was only the slap that kept him from snickering. He ordered two more beers, got a knowing smile from the bartender and waited while Mo set up this time. They upped the ante on the game, which Tetsu was glad of, since he was 'remembering better' how to play.   
  
He managed to 'slip' at the last second and, though he broke the balls, missed actually sinking any, though it was a close call with a couple of the solids. Mo happily took over the table claiming those solids and sinking two more, to boot.   
  
Kotetsu took his turn and let the game progress. He calculated carefully, set up three more of those games and knew that if he could work it right, one more would set the stage nicely. He progressively got a little better, while managing to still lose to Mo. Mo was getting drunker and drunker as the games went on and betting more and more.   
  
"Well, I guess I've lost enough for the night, Mo," Kotetsu said, moving to return his cue to the rack on the wall.   
  
"Aw, surely ya wanna play one more game?" Mo asked hopefully.   
  
"Nah, I really can't lose anymore, gotta pay the rent tomorrow and buy food," Kotetsu said, turning toward the door.   
  
"How about this…" Mo started and Kotetsu managed to repress the urge to grin. "Why don't we do this… If ya win, ya git everythin' back and an extra thirty, ta boot. If ya lose, I'll just take…" he pretended to think it over, "how 'bout I jus' take nuther… thirty?"   
  
Kotetsu started to shake his head and opened his mouth to speak but Mo cut him off. "Double. I'll give ya double yer money back."   
  
Kotetsu looked around the bar and noticed they'd attracted attention. He glanced at Zumo and knew that his friend had noticed, as well. It seemed that most of them simply had amused looks on their faces. A couple looked hostile and Kotetsu's eyes darted to them, giving Izumo the hint. His friend gave a minute nod in response.   
  
"Okay, I think I can do just one more, Mo. Since you've been so great tonight." Kotetsu patted Mo on the shoulder.   
  
"Alri' I'll even let ya break," he said, generously.   
  
"That's great of you, Mo." Kotetsu pulled the last thirty out and put it under the ashtray. The bartender stepped up, then and Kotetsu noticed Mitsuo was back in his usual booth in the corner, watching the exchange intently. He resisted the urge to gulp and turned his attention to the bartender.   
  
"I think it'd be best if'n ya give me tha money, Mo. Jus' ta keep it fair," he held one beefy hand out.   
  
Kotetsu hadn't bet on that. He watched, though, as Mo handed the money over and the bartender counted it out, stuffing it into his shirt pocket and crossing his arms over his chest. Kotetsu looked from Mitsuo to the bartender to Mo, then handed the bartender his thirty. The burly man nodded and put it in with the other money.   
  
Mo moved back to the end of the table and set up. Kotetsu took a deep breath, added chalk to the end of his cue, wiped his hands on his jeans and got into position. He inhaled carefully, took aim and on the exhale, took the shot.   
  
He sank three of the solids and two stripes on the break. The bar was silent as he moved around the table, considering his move. Mo already looked unhappy, but the presence of the bartender kept him from saying anything yet.   
  
Kotetsu paused before the next shot to clear his head then sank the next ball. He followed up with three more and finally paused before the eight. He patently ignored the audience, ignored Mo, only glancing briefly at Izumo who was standing up and obviously ready to run, should it be an issue. He called the pocket, lined up his shot and, after taking one more breath, sank the eight ball.   
  
Predictably, Mo roared. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU HUSTLED ME!" He moved toward Kotetsu, raising the pool cue, but it was Mitsuo who stepped up.   
  
"Mo. I don't take kindly to abuse of my property, you know that. Hand over the cue." He said in a quiet and dangerous voice.   
  
Kotetsu glanced at Izumo, who'd moved over to him, then back at Mitsuo. Mo rounded on him. "He hustled me!" He shouted.   
  
Mitsuo looked from Mo to Kotetsu and back again. "Seems to me, he won fair and square."   
  
Mo's fists bunched as he swung around to take in the rest of the spectators. "Ya gonna take this? Some kid comes inta our place an' hustles us?" He shouted, but several of the other patrons stepped back, including those that had initially looked hostile and went back to their own games.   
  
"I think you've had enough tonight, Mo." The bartender said and looked pointedly toward the door.   
  
Mo's eyes darted from the bartender to Mitsuo to Kotetsu and finally to Izumo, then back through the lineup. "Ya better hope I never see ya agin, brat," Mo threatened, then stalked toward the front of the bar, slamming the door behind him.   
  
Mitsuo turned to the bartender and waved his fingers. The bartender handed over the money and Mitsuo counted it out. He took fifty out, stuffed it into his pocket and gave the rest to Kotetsu. "Mo's been a pain in my ass for a long time. I don't like him. But I don't take kindly to hustling happening around here without my knowledge. In the future, you might consider avoiding Mo if your gonna hustle and I might keep it to a night that's not the weekend." That said, Mitsuo turned, headed back to his booth and sat down, sipping at the short glass of clear liquid that was on the table in front of him.   
  
"I think you've probably had enough, too." The bartender said and neither Kotetsu nor Izumo felt the slightest urge to argue.   
  
They beat a hasty retreat to the front of the bar but before they opened the door, Tetsu turned to Izumo. "Get the keys out," he said, and Izumo held them up with a grin. They were already in his hand.   
  
Zumo chuckled. "I had them out when you broke on the last game."   
  
Tetsu laughed. "Good thinking. Straight to the jeep. I can take Mo if he comes after us. Get it started and get my door unlocked."   
  
Izumo nodded and they stepped through.   
  
Tetsu hated predictable people sometimes. Mo, apparently, was no exception. "I want my money back, ya little bastard."   
  
Kotetsu sighed, spun on the ball of his foot and kicked out at Mo's stomach. It knocked him back, but not down and he came at Tetsu again. Kotetsu heard the jeep start and moved backwards a couple of steps.   
  
Mo apparently thought he was retreating because the rotten smile came back and he stalked forward. Another spin and a harder kick knocked Mo back and onto his ass this time. He was already getting up when Tetsu rounded the jeep and jumped into the passenger seat. They heard incoherent shouting as Izumo screeched out of the spot and drove away.   
  
  
"It looks good," Izumo said, brushing his fingers over the ink on Kenji's upper arm. The Chinese style dragon had a flat face, long twisting body and long snaking tongue.   
  
"I'm happy with it. I like the one on your backs better," he said. "Turn around."   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu dutifully spun again. "I know it's not quite done, but it's going to look really good. I wish I could have had them split it all three ways instead of the little one."   
  
They turned back around and Tetsu shrugged. "We've all got some. That's what counts."   
  
Kenji nodded. "You're right. Well…" he said, sighing.   
  
"We'll miss you." Izumo said, hugging Kenji again.   
  
"I'll miss you, too." Kenji returned the hug and turned to Kotetsu. "You better write me."   
  
"You need to write us first and tell us where to send it. But we will." Kotetsu hugged Kenji and then stepped back. "How long for basic?"   
  
"Eight weeks. So, about the time you're starting the fall semester, I'll be finishing that part. I figure I'll do the first two years and probably get out then." He shrugged one shoulder and scratched at the back of his head. He made a face. "Already miss the hair."   
  
"It'll grow back," Izumo said with a grin.   
  
Kenji laughed. "Yeah, when I get out. Don't think they appreciate long hair in the military."   
  
Kotetsu and Izumo both laughed. "Yeah, probably not," Tetsu said. "Maybe by then you'll get used to short hair."   
  
Kenji snorted. "Not likely." He sighed and glanced over at where his mother was waiting. He gave her a pointed look and she turned around to face the car. He leaned in to Tetsu first. "Take care of him." He said, glancing quickly at Izumo.   
  
"You know I will," Kotetsu said. "Take care of yourself, okay? Don't… don't get hurt or anything."   
  
"Don't plan on it," Kenji said then closed the last bit of distance and kissed Tetsu. It was bittersweet and threw Kotetsu for a loop at what he thought was behind it. Their lips parted and the kiss deepened and Tetsu reached up to cup Kenji's face. They both got lost in it, tongue sliding along each other's, tasting and savoring. Finally, Kenji pulled back.   
  
"Kenji?" Tetsu asked, confused.   
  
Kenji just shook his head. "I'll miss you. See you," he whispered and moved over to Izumo.   
  
Izumo looked him over. "Yeah, you better grow it out. And you better come home to us," he said, swallowing hard. His lump had finally gone away and now it was back with a vengeance. He met Kenji's gaze. "Don't die."   
  
"I'm going to do my damndest not to." He said, his voice quiet. "Keep him in line." He tossed his head in Tetsu's direction.   
  
Izumo nodded. "I will. Someone has to." Kenji chuckled then and leaned in to kiss Izumo. Izumo's hands came up to frame his face and their kiss deepened. Tongues tangled, lips nibbled and Kenji pulled Izumo closer. They broke apart briefly for air, then their lips met again and they got lost once more. Finally, they parted.   
  
"I'll miss you," he whispered, then stepped back.   
  
Izumo stared at him, stunned. Kenji waved and took another step back. "Bye, guys." He said then turned on his heel and jogged to the car. They watched as he climbed into the passenger seat then waved and both raised their hands back to him. They kept their eyes on the car as it disappeared around the turn then looked back at each other.   
  
"What… was that?" Tetsu asked.   
  
"I have no idea," Izumo answered, shaking his head in shock, though he had a feeling he really did know. And he didn't know how he felt about that. He turned back and stared at the spot the car had been a moment ago.   
  
Izumo and Kotetsu looked at each other again for another moment, the stunned expression mirrored on each other's faces. Finally, they turned and headed back into the house, together. Both were suddenly looking very forward to the Christmas holidays.


End file.
